rattly old bug's ass

[Paul Blest @pblest]

No one did this bit better

[Water Technique @CerromeZONE]

Harriet Winslow would get dressed up to go out wit Carl, come down the stairs whole audience be like woooooo!!! She lookin trash

[actioncookbook @actioncookbook]

SPOUSE: I have to work late Thursday
OUTER MONOLOGUE: I am going to miss you
INNER MONOLOGUE: I am going to eat something very stupid

[rattly old bug's ass @edtruck]

@InternetHippo https://t.co/mViUJEQEaj

[brent @murrman5]

[me still wearin xbox headset while making a sandwich between matches] looks like I work at Wendy’s haha
[wife putting on perfume to go to the grocery store] haha

[catarina camargo @cacmrg]

reading crime and punishment but this is all i can think about.

[Tricia Pendergrast, MD @trpender]

nature documentary: you now have an emotional attachment to this crab
me: ok
documentary: do u promise to love him
me: yes of course
documentary: THE CRAB IS NOW IN MORTAL PERIL
me: 😭

[manny @mannyfidel]

i cannot breathe WHAT is he talking about

[Dan Hopper @DanHopp]

ME: Mayhaps Ocasio-Cortez ought to take a gander at a flipping Econ 101 textbook mmmkayy???
TRUMP: Boats keep hitting seashells and thats slowing down trade... not on my "watch"!
ME: He gets it

[brent @murrman5]

[me still wearin xbox headset while making a sandwich between matches] looks like I work at Wendy’s haha
[wife putting on perfume to go to the grocery store] haha

[rattly old bug's ass @edtruck]

@ITYSL_memes Except for Baby of the Year, none of Sam’s sketches beat Patti’s

[rattly old bug's ass @edtruck]

@JoshhTerry logged on to see if someone posted this yet

[rattly old bug's ass @edtruck]

@Acyn 🚨🚨🚨 attn @david_j_roth Trump dampness alert

[rattly old bug's ass @edtruck]

@matt_levine "These facts are also related" lmao

[rattly old bug's ass @edtruck]

@ITYSL_memes it’s just me barbie I’m not the blues brothers

[rattly old bug's ass @edtruck]

@Papapishu hold the fort

[rattly old bug's ass @edtruck]

@danCLYNE @Moose_sounds That amount is called his quote