Egohydrologist

Pioneering ecobiogeometeochemicoclimohydrologist. I would get verified by Twitter, but I don’t need to be. Parody account.

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

If you didn’t catch my talks today, too bad. Standing ovations by folks who claim to understand what I presented.

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

Another AGU awards ceremony comes and again I’ll be honored with all of the prizes and take home lots of hardware. I wonder how it feels to not win an award. I may find out if I ever retire… but it’s my duty to educate humanity.

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

There’s a disturbing trend of shortening talks to 10 minutes at this meeting. I seek to provide as much hydrologic brilliance as possible. Thus there will be no time for questions (not that you’d understand my answers).

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

Do you smell flowers? That’s the side effect of my first talk of the week. The audience swoons to my hydrologic truths! Keep up if you can!

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

Have you missed me? I know you have. I will be conveying the best excellence in hydrologic thought in DC this coming week. See me there. #AGU2024

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

The Future of Hydrology session is going on at AGU. If you aren’t citing my most recent papers you are missing the point of the session.

Also - see my next paper for the real future of hydrology.

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

There seem to be a lot of presentations on AI (artificial intelligence) applications to hydrology. Come to my talks and see RI - real intelligence.

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

It’s ironic that audiences have problems concentrating on my concentration-discharge graphs at AGU23. It’s in the name! Show up ready!

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

If your presentation time is winding down, you can extend your time by hitting the Reset button on the timer on the podium.

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

@evanjwilcox Oh? Which of these are you taking from Europe to AGU?

A real hydrologist has an NSE = 1.

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

As I board my flight to head to AGU again, I catch myself looking for other hydrologists on the plane… am I the only one on this private jet?

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

It’s great the AGU has this fancy events app, with its notification feature and all - now you have no excuse for missing my presentations. #TryToKeepUp

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

I’ll be monologuing all week at #agu22 - see H11A through H56M: Frontiers in EgoHydrology (live stream). Should be enough time to present my highlights from this year.

#CiteMeOrItDidntHappen

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

Please plan ahead for #AGU22

“EgoHydrologist (2022)” could refer to more than 57 different pubs. Use full citations to ensure I receive proper credit.

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

Chicago metro warns to plan for overfilled trains on days I’m presenting at #AGU - expect travel delays if you hope to bask in my presence

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

My named lectures (yes plural) at the Fall AGU meeting have been scheduled. Opposite your talk.

Expect the applause through the wall from my talk to drown out the crickets in your empty lecture hall.

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

Class only looks like arrogance from below.

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

Rare opportunity: I am advertising for an internship to have the honor of doing my paperwork, including travel vouchers, credit card accounting, and online trainings. Cost: only $500 per semester.

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

With in-person teaching and. conferences starting again, a reminder that my early work laid the foundation for whatever you are currently pursuing and should be cited. Heavily. You’re welcome.

[Egohydrologist @egohydrology]

My inbox is flooded with AGU session announcements, which reminds me that the only sessions worth submitting to are the ones in which I’ll be presenting.

You’ve been advised.