elyse

[tHE.lAST🔝 @jusLikeMike911]

"Cows kill more people every year than sharks"

[introvert @introvertsmemes]

me googling the number that called me instead of answering it like an adult…

[Noor ✭ @Noorthevirgo]

I suck at Christmas shopping. I be like
"wow this is sooo cute.......... for me"

[Matt. @MattTheBrand]

weighted blankets are not enough. hit me with a shovel

[Shafeeq @Y2SHAF]

me googling the number that called me instead of answering it like an adult

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

me: i cannot wait for fall! FALL IS FINALLY HERE!!!!

also me: 😰I’m cold😰

[Maddy Gibbons @RetsMadd]

She's a 10, but she's a 14, an 8, and a 12. She just wants to be able to buy pants online, but clothing sizes for women are bullshit.

[Daniel @Daniel_herrera8]

That Co-worker beef ain’t got no age limit

[༻𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐡༺ @mishricci]

A movie about Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian where Michael Cera and Snooki play them

[elyse @ehessbergerx]

You know it’s bad when you have a dream that gas is .99 cents

[Porter @ItsRetrop]

“wya” my limit bro, i’m at my limit

[brooke @BlokyzzOriginal]

there is no doubt in my mind Pete Davidson has his own set of fairly odd parents

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

u should be able to order a chocolate chip cookie medium rare

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

sometimes u have to eat a lil handful of shredded cheese straight out of the bag… can’t tell you why but I know it’s structurally important to human function

[Kristen Arnett @Kristen_Arnett]

“no worries if not,” she threatened

[river buddy butcher 🤠 @rivbutcher]

We literally change time twice a year you can change pronouns