The Female Shaggy

can i pet ur dog?

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

Me: what kinda cheese do u want on ur pasta?
Some opossum: oparmesan.

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

Me: every once in awhile I felt the surge of like
Me and Caelan in unison: I need to tweet

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

Black mirror is basically a slap stick comedy at this point

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

My whole kitchen and me are covered in pickle juice

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

Why is no one talking about the terrible design of the @GrillosPickles jar??????

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

Straight Men in therapy are just a different flavor of terrible

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

In a coffee shop trying to write and I keep thinking someone is yelling my name but really the staff is just saying “door” every time they go in and out of the kitchen

[Tommy pants @10hula]

Plz someone smash my face into a brick

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

Cookie cakes are less fun then both cookies and cakes

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

Being an adult is soul crushing no one will help me find an orthopedist

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

I’m sorry but what’s up with the 10+minute standing ovations?? Is everyone just standing and clapping while the team just stands and bows on the stage?? How can you do that for 14 minutes I- I just can’t even fathom what that would look like

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

I miss having sleepovers and sharing a bed and being 100% sober with your best friends and laughing so hard you snort and can’t breathe

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

Interesting timing seeing as Pete’s new film premiered today in NY and LA and theaters everywhere next weekend 👀 the breakup might be real but the release is calculated fo sho

[Page Six @PageSix]

Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson split after nine months https://t.co/EpwmpTawXA

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

Of all time: Fleabag, Breaking Bad, 30 Rock, Insecure, Mad Men.

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

No but actually why are the men so quiet rn

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

eleven is deadass the worst plot line of stranger things by FAR all she does is whimper

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

#LiberateAbortion https://t.co/pJ8fKT6ugB

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

Will I ever be as happy as the summer when stranger things first came out?

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

For all gentiles on my TL, on Shabbat no work can be done which for my hotel includes making coffee so on top of being immobile I’m also grumpy

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

Sprained my ankle in the holy land, had to leave birthright, lay in bed for 3 days which wasn’t that bad, I felt like Elouise meets rear window. Anyway, took the cast off yesterday but I’m still in pain and need a boot but the medical supply stores aren’t open cuz it’s Shabbat

[The Female Shaggy @ehowwzzz]

Okay but something I’ve really learned in the last four years is that positive growth is best formed in the absence of judgement