I have been busy, so I bookmarked this to come back to later.
I'm genuinely curious. How is the child a gift to the husband? This isn't just about Temi. Many women, if not most, seem to think this way too, and I honestly don't understand it.
Most of the time, a man dies before his wife because men are usually older and generally face more stress and risk. This means that the long-term benefits of having children, especially after they become adults, are often enjoyed more by the woman. Children also tend to be more affectionate toward their mothers because of the nurturing role women typically play, and this often translates into doing more for their mothers later in life.
There are countless songs by artistes talking about making it in life so they can buy things for their mothers. I can hardly think of any that say the same about fathers. We often hear, "The hustle is for mama." Look at how Mother's Day is celebrated with so much enthusiasm, while Father's Day barely receives the same level of attention. Mothers go for omugwo after the birth of grandchildren; fathers generally don't. In real life, if children do one thing for their father, chances are they have done ten for their mother.
Some people argue that the children bear the man's surname. But are the children identified only with the man? When people see a woman, don't they also ask, "How are your children doing?" If you remove marriage from the equation, women still desire to have children. For single mothers who have children outside marriage, whose gift are those children? The truth is that children are gifts to everyone. As a woman, you are not doing a man a favor by having children. You need them just as much as he does.
That is why when a woman repeatedly gets her period despite trying to conceive with her husband, it is often met with disappointment and tears. Every woman wants to be a mother, first and foremost, for herself. If children are simply gifts to men, then why do we have so many cases of paternity fraud today? If children benefit only men, why do many women refuse to marry men who are infertile?
We really need to put this narrative to rest. Look at female celebrities who are unmarried but choose sperm donors or other means to have children. Did they do that simply to "gift" a man a child? Think about Hannah in the Bible. She wept bitterly and carried deep sorrow because she couldn't conceive. Was she grieving because she wanted to give her husband a child, or because she desperately wanted to become a mother herself?
Women want children for themselves, just as men do. In many respects, having children arguably benefits women even more than men. Presenting children as though they are gifts that women give to men ignores the fact that motherhood is also one of the deepest desires many women have for themselves.