Emma Belanger

hot glue gun handler

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

Looking back at some old tweets and apparently I've been posting about the brave little toaster for years

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

back online, got tired of screaming into the void

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

What’s up with all the 3D printers? We don’t even have 2D printing down yet. Takes me $100 and 3 tries to print a paper.

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

Based on some the crafts y’all do there should be a license required to hold a glue gun

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

Human doctors should be more like vets. I wanna take a nap and wake up to clean teeth and a fresh set 💅

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

I swear watching the brave little toaster for the first time made me sentient

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

Put pogo sticks in the x games

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

Lying is free and I’m on a budget

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

Big Corn funded production of the corn song from tiktok. We are merely pawns

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

What do you mean I can’t legally name my kid “🤠”?

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

Once I learn the rules to Scrabble it’s over for y’all

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

People with farms have those stands where they sell produce on the side of the road, what do you mean I can’t put a vending machine in my front yard??

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

I’ve been bullied more by the elderly than any middle schoolers

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

Oh so my dog can shit in the front yard but I can’t??

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

Late stage capitalism ideas:
- ads for the little microwave screen
- subscription model for toilets
- if you’re out sick from work, they freeze your bank assets until you return
- can’t take public transport until you’ve watched a 30sec ad

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

Imagine you’re at a carnival lifting your child up so they can play the ring toss game. The plastic ring wraps around the milk bottle and the crowd cheers. The worker hands little Timmy his prize. It’s a Glock. Timmy has been chosen as the 1 true defender of 2nd amendment rights

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

I had a dream I had to make a notes app apology because the Winnie the Pooh game for the Gameboy Color that I endorsed in the 90s was slightly racist

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

I’ve never seen Ted Lasso but I assumed it was about that talking bear starring in a western

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

If you had a child right now, what would be their first social media account?

[Emma Belanger @ejbhappy]

Idk about y’all but I’m car dealership TikTok now??