Emily 🌵

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

Pretending to be stupid is a life skill and I refuse to have anyone tell me otherwise

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

Trying to teach my son his family name and he keeps mistaking it for Drinks. In a way he is more right than I.

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

What even is the point of recognizing the difference between Taylor’s version and the OG if I can’t tell strangers which is which because they’re all Taylor’s version now

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

The older I get the more I’m like damn I really should just be living laughing and loving

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

like fix your jawline bro it’s embarrassing

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

They should force soldiers standing at attention to mew

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

telling my husband we should get a sauna at least once a week

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

Scored 52 points Allowed 51 points
to start the season to a FCS team

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

Can’t wait for my son to be old enough to start taking up hobbies so I can absolutely mog him

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

Greedflation this, shrinkflation that, they’re putting small oranges in my cuties thinking I wouldn’t notice

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

Social media companies really should be sued for all of the deceptive advertising they allow and those damages should be obscenely punitive

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

Baking is so fun because the only thing stopping you from making a Texas sheet cake is the will to like you have all the ingredients

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

Tech companies will dump billions of dollars into a genAI that produces mediocre writing that’s only right 75% of the time but will have serious meeting with their employees for human mistakes

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

Hes going to be so Van Gogh at the next rally

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

If I were other countries I’d be so embarrassed like wdym you’ve never walked on the moon? We did that shit so many times we got bored of it

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

Need to get a job doing AP again so I can spend money for a living

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

@waaaarrrrd1 The square footage of the basement shouldn’t even count bc like that’s not actually part of the house

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

They need comments on Zillow listings so I can publicly call realtors insane for things like listing a house for $200/sq ft in North Dakota

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

Chilis has perfected the vibe of a restaurant you want to get drunk at

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

I feel like every time I cook my husband feels more and more justified in his decision to keep me out of the kitchen

[Emily 🌵 @elemnop_]

The message of TTPD is that you should avoid men that have the 6th sense of when your relationship is on the rocks/over bc anybody that enjoys being a rebound deserves prison