Elfman

[Elfman @elfmonster]

Death To Mosquitoes! Why They Pee On You, Have Dirty Foot Fetishes, And Hate Light Blue Shirts.
https://t.co/qjEv0m3OUP

[Elfman @elfmonster]

One of the best short stories anyone has ever written.
https://t.co/iUwjwXagdu

[Elfman @elfmonster]

One of my crowning achievements.

[Elfman @elfmonster]

I don't have any regrets for any of the levels I’ve played. That's the whole point of the game. The Game of America is about getting through the levels the best you can. It is not about being Number 1 in every single level.
Finishing The Game of America
https://t.co/dHAB8cQpDk

[Doug Elfman @VegasAnonymous]

Alex shows up naked at my door concealed in a long, gray windbreaker, holding one green plant and one white envelope. I try not to roll my eyes, because I just know there’s a long note in that envelope...
https://t.co/oe2Zacny9z

[Elfman @elfmonster]

What a devious young elf I was, just like all elves with wide bows and long arrows.

[Elfman @elfmonster]

Good read 👇
https://t.co/pTAzqJnrQZ

[Doug Elfman @VegasAnonymous]

"Emergency Boobs."
The night I got divorced, I wanted a gorgeous naked redhead stroking my neck and listening while I spilled everything for $80 tucked in her G-string.
What are the real reasons we go to strip clubs?
My raw, unfiltered take (with wild stories) 👇
https://t.co/BR8C9ygyjP

[Doug Elfman @VegasAnonymous]

I don't consent to this
https://t.co/f8QoeDWZLQ

[Elfman @elfmonster]

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
https://t.co/RbGDB5fIGD

[Elfman @elfmonster]

20

[Elfman @elfmonster]

A cricket died in my arms today so I made this memorial video for Cricket
https://t.co/CMdqJc6xkR

[Doug Elfman @VegasAnonymous]

Read paywalled news stories for free by putting the story link in this site. Try it. Then cancel all your subscriptions.
https://t.co/nUCL5Bh87y

[Elfman @elfmonster]

My new short story for American Style Literature is called "My Shark's Better Than Your Shark" ...
https://t.co/ipG4DONtbN

[Elfman @elfmonster]

@VegasAnonymous Just drinking at golden tiki again
https://t.co/sroXdgIHum

[Elfman @elfmonster]

Manny Pacquiao and Oscar de La Hoya should fight in a Waffle House, filmed only by phone cameras, that's my final offer

[Doug Elfman @VegasAnonymous]

I bet you'd like to play laser tag at your mechanics would you?
https://t.co/VOzCG10rIU

[Doug Elfman @VegasAnonymous]

It's 81 degrees in my house, I have a space heater on, I just bought another space heater, I'm wearing wool socks and fuzzy pajama pants and an undershirt and a hoodie, and I am finally warm enough. I hate the cold ass winter.
https://t.co/K5hqdjARHk

[Elfman @elfmonster]

This Closer screenshot with Natalie Portman and Clive Owens might be my favorite still shot from any movie ever made. It's definitely my favorite set decoration ever. I want a room in my house like this.