I won’t be having sex with a goat today.
I won’t be having sex with a nine-year old today.
I won’t be strapping on a suicide vest and yelling “Allahu Akbar” today.
I won’t be forcibly converting anyone to my religion today.
I won’t be visiting my five or six wives to give them lashings today.
I guess you can say that I won’t be practicing Islam today.
My Government has shut down the investigation into the Winnipeg Lab leak scandal.
That's because we don't want the world to know we gave the COVID-19 virus to the Chinese.
We've promised to secretly work with China behind the scenes, and that's exactly what we're going to do.
Update: A Canadian has been killed in #Israel.
Unfortunately, we do not have any military resources to keep Canadians abroad safe, because I've given everything we have to Ukraine.
Canadians elected me to mismanage National Defence, and that's exactly what I'm going to do.
Teachers do so much more than deliver lessons. They counsel. They coach SOGI. They brainwash. They challenge students to explore, to question, to learn about their gender identity & pronouns. For all that they do, thank you – from one predator to another. Happy #WorldPedoDay !
Independent media is a threat to our democracy.
That's why we're using Bill C-11 to silence non-state-approved voices, so that Canadians only get their news directly from the Government.
Soon, we'll pass a law requiring that all cellphones be sold with only one app - CBC News.
In Canada, we believe in independent media to objectively inform our citizens.
That's why, to control the narrative, I bought them all for $600M.
I may have invited a nazi into the House and given him a standing ovation, but I can make a call and change the story overnight.