Generic Male

Too stanky- gotta hit the woah, my man

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

‘Vodka cran’ is short for ‘Tito’s Crayon’

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

5:30 AM and I’m still up pushing my boulder

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

New YouTube meta: pepper spray compilations

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

The Lord of the rings needed more @nickjonas

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

Fetty Wap is just short for fentanyl whopper

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

Ever eat a quarter pound of unwrapped strawberry pez from your two pound bag of unwrapped strawberry pez on a Sunday?

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

Bartender: Why the long face?
Anteater: Ants

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

The lexicon is shrinking 🙁

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

My friends support my dreams and help me better myself as a person- my family keeps me grounded-my woman got me feelin’ loved and cared for.

I am content with my existence.

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

Don’t stay at the Hilton in Chicago- or anywhere: they’ve lost sight of what it truly means to be a respectable hotel chain.

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

Met some artists from ink master, they’re much slower irl

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

Everlong played three times in the last hour- intentionally

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

I keep getting hacked- same person trying to sell poor quality NFTs

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

I got hacked

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

Vodka cranberry please

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

How many times are you allowed to shit after eating Burger King? I think I exceeded the limit

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

Call me “Chrome FR-QR Pendent Sprinkler (SS2551), QR, 5.6K, 162-Degree (F)” the way I be getting her wet

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

Feel like Hulk when I smash

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

When at my place of residence: please use paper/ plastic- fuck the dishes

[Generic Male @eli_schwalbe]

Santa: What do you want this year?
Me: big booty goth gf