Elise

[Elise @eliseschwer]

@IsTirado91 sometimes I think meth is a good idea, then I'm like meh better not

[Elise @eliseschwer]

Just posted a photo http://t.co/xfdeV3XDPb

[Elise @eliseschwer]

@IsTirado91 troll

[Isabel Tirado @IsTirado91]

Just booked me flight out west to visit @eliseschwer !!!! #cantwait #finally #goodthingsahead

[Elise @eliseschwer]

Brad told me they won't let you board the plane drunk... Well I proved him wrong yesterday. #908herewecome #jersey #crazyfamily

[Elise @eliseschwer]

Kiss me like you miss me, fuck me like you hate me #mixtapefordays

[Elise @eliseschwer]

"How am I looking?" "perfect, you're right between two spots" #jerseyasshole #oops

[Elise @eliseschwer]

Depends on how big the bar tender is, you can tip her like a cow #paul #buffalowyoming #cowboybar

[Elise @eliseschwer]

Today's goal: steel a chair from somewhere

[Elise @eliseschwer]

I can't wait how to teach my grandchildren how to twerk! #90sKids

[Elise @eliseschwer]

Eating something so fast just cause you don't want people to taste what you made

[Elise @eliseschwer]

@samanthaasdf new friends thought it would be funny to get us all as wasted as possible....not so funny

[Elise @eliseschwer]

Thank you god for making me pretty enough to wet the couch and make it okay

[Elise @eliseschwer]

People will ask you how your day with your trainee was, you'll want to say she was a huge bitch, but you just can't #rude #youowemeabeer

[Elise @eliseschwer]

"This is not a game." "Then why do I have my game face on?"

[Elise @eliseschwer]

Drug tests; basically just a challenge of how much water and cranberry juice one can consume in a given number of hours #imgunnahurl

[Elise @eliseschwer]

Wyoming, where everyone you hit on is already married.

[Elise @eliseschwer]

You can wake up a different person on any given day

[Elise @eliseschwer]

Does it take a certain kind of woman to wear leopard? Or does wearing leopard transform you into a certain kind of woman?

[Elise @eliseschwer]

Never have I ever seen a weigh station open...till right now