Lily Weber

not a professional Twitter, just for things I can’t decide to which group text I should send them. please don’t make any of my tweets go viral I beg you

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

I can't believe I'm saying this and I'm so sorry but I have created a new Substack:

https://t.co/cnroMMZXWn

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

Great news I finally remembered my username over there byeeeeee

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

Vv tired of the tenor of “help I can’t stop doomscrolling” complaints. You can, actually. Your life is not happening to you. Your hands are not moving independently. Log tf off or shut up

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

Saw a TikTok that was like “girls don’t dress for the male gaze. Proof? There’s no men at Pilates class and the girlies are still dressed hot” so we need to circle back up and review what the male gaze means, I fear

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

Still on the group texts for two sets of plans I had to cancel today just watching other people coordinate pizza and espresso martinis without me 😩

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

The way I measure my age is I fully forgot Halloween exists til I was on the L train on a Friday night, but also if I dressed up as a Dallas cowboys cheerleader that would be fine

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

I think I may have addressed this impulse by buying a dark brown eyebrow product

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

Ok new deal with myself the next month that I can pay rent, clear my credit cards, and still have money left, I get to spend that money dying my hair brown

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

Needed to dress professionally and couldn’t find any of my ugly yet appropriate trousers til I remembered I have a drawer designated ‘rare pants’

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

Ok new deal with myself the next month that I can pay rent, clear my credit cards, and still have money left, I get to spend that money dying my hair brown

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

sorry, Kristin Bell's character has never heard the word...shalom?

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

“Oh were you enjoying that storyline? Too bad, now you’re meeting someone else, three years in the future, that you don’t know or care about.”

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

I don’t think books should jump around between character POVs and timelines anymore. No more of these fragmented Lost-ass flashbacks and forwards. Tell your story and if it’s not interesting enough in order then hmm back to the drawing board.

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

I actually don’t know his sexuality, relationship status, or anything besides that he’s cute and rates the weather.

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

New York’s most eligible bachelor is the cute guy who does NYMetroWeather

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

it's not gonna help your ~flavors~ you've just added a timing thing that you can fail at. Paul has never been like "cake was mid but your macarons are so good you can stay"

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

when the challenge is a cake and someone is like "i'm decorating with macarons" it's like why. they didn't ask you to do that.

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

I can’t get over how fun and how morally gross this movie was

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

@brianna_ashby Not sure if this is helpful or not but for what it’s worth every single memory I have of my mom explaining this to me contributes to my best qualities (resilience, empathy, understanding of the world) and makes me feel closer to her

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

My favorite person is me two weeks ago who put fresh sheets on my bed before leaving for vacation

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

I gave up on learning french when I realized I’d never be fluent but now I remember that even if fluency isn’t available to me, the approbation of handsome waiters is, so now I’m back to trying to learn at least enough to be able to answer questions about the omelette I want

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

@eklaubs Oh I know

[Lily Weber @ell_webz]

Absolutely HATE to encounter other Americans abroad I’M the special baby girl in this pub ty