I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽

The shell of a human, operated by an anxious mouse.

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

I feel like I watched a word count in action.

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

Me: Hey, is 4/21 a holiday too bc I had to go back roads to get here today
Coworker: Yesterday was a holiday, it was 4/20. That was Friday but this is Saturday which is 4/21. Yesterday was the 420 day but today is not. I don't think today is a holiday, as it is 4/21.

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

Just walked in on @nacho_overlord listening to I Wanna Go Home from Sponge Bob and I've never been more proud to call her my friend.

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

I am a sentient noodle.
How are you?

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

Me: Do you want to watch Horrible Things Happen to Children?
Mike: Jesus, what?
Me: Sorry, I meant Series of Unfortunate Events

[Leah @itsleahmueni]

Him : Send me a video of you twerking
Me :

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

@bsGALAKTIKON @_Brendonsmall Oh sweet babby

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

@worst_cooks blue is the dream team #nolanfinger

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

Me: I like that Dali tattoo.
Server: Thanks, I have another one! *takes off pants to show me*
Me: Oh neeeeeaaaaaaat...

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

Dishpan hands.

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

I've discovered a new hobby: creating tongue twisters

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

Little lizards licking lemons

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

"Luck be a ladle tonight" @altonbrown

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

I met Satan in the form of a vegan cake today.

[birdsrightsactivist @ProBirdRights]

answer me this Mark Suckburgers: where have you put them. where you have put the cookies???? talk or never see your precous Facebeak again

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

Update: WHAAAATTTTTTTT??? #ANTM winner

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

@iamkhrystyana is my @ANTMVH1 body positivity queen and @tyrabanks threw her into the dust. Girl, why??

[Night Skin Nerdy Girl @NightSkinGirl88]

#ANTM #ANTMVH1 #ANTMFinale

These motherfuckers could literally bring in a fucking spider and declare it the winner and I would be happy as long as Jeana didn't win

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

@xLEEJENNINGSx I relate to this a lot

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

Day six at the new job:
I am beginning to suspect many of my coworkers to be npc's

[I'm Calling the Cobs 🌽 @elle_dandy]

Day five at the new job:
While it's not time to dive into all the cult shows I'm currently watching, Neopets IS an acceptable topic.
And really, what's the difference?