Ellen B

mother of 2

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

I can’t be a ‘man’ without my ‘splain’.

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

No babe, those messages on my dash are just jokes my car likes to tell me.

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

No babe you’re not pissing yourself, I just turned your seat warmer on.

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

Being Bi or Pan is like being divergent.

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

American culture strikes again

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

“what are you doing after graduation? you seem like someone with a half-plan.” i in fact only do have half a plan. how dare you categorize me so well

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

the energy i bring to the room is being that friend with food consistently in their teeth

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

you, jojo siwa music video, me. sound like a plan?

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

Timothee Chalamet just wants to be in the silly spring musical and the serious fall play

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

putting the library computer screen lower then my line of sight so that I feel superior to my homework

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

if curbs weren’t meant for hitting why put them there

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

I remember turning 11 and hoping I got an invitation to Hogwarts. Like the Harry Potter series was lowkey a documentary

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

*sings “i have friends in low places” every time one of my friends working a retail job gets me a discount on something

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

choosing your ad on student accounts is such a cruel punishment

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

thinking about the talking stage rn ❤️🫡

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

Harassing geese from my car and telling them to go back to their own country

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

the way I quote Doses & Mimosas “what’s the point of language if you don’t say what you mean” as if it can solve all of my friends issues is really insidious

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

you’ve never taken a shower in the dark before and it shows

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

taking ibuprofen to be in a controlled* euphoric state while doing homework

[Ellen B @ellenjb3]

sometimes when i pick up trash i find a returnable. i guess being nice actually does payoff.