Michael Shtino

Breakdancing through drum breaks at break-neck speeds whilst needing a break. Father of three girls and literally hundreds of dad jokes.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

Red Wings Prospects Focus: Four Europeans to Play in WJC https://t.co/yVF0tCuXkG

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

So, most of the experimental endeavors I read about involve using lab "rats" or mice as the test subjects. But my question is why did "guinea pigs" win the branding award for "Human's Experimental Animal of Choice"?

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

Rule 117.92A: You may not cry over spilled milk.

Rule 117.92B: It is OK to cry over spilled ice cream.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

Keep it like a secret, but I have a sassy, outspoken alter ego who will be brutally honest with you. I like to call him Blurt Reynolds.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

I admit that I was wrong. I thought I could become ambidextrous, but when it wasn’t right, I left.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

If I were Dr. Seuss and I had already received 1 Thing in the mail, it would probably lead me to believe that I had another Thing coming.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

A more intimidating name for the dictionary would have been the definitionsaurus.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

Got sand in my eye the other day. Eye once was blind, but now eye see.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

I had nothing to eat today. Except that everything bagel. Nothing else, but everything.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

Kanye should make flip flops (called Breezys), small "Snow White" boots (called Sneezys), acrobat slippers (called Trapeezys) and Green Bay Packer cleats (called Cheezys). You're welcome? Pleezy?

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

I spent the last couple of hours researching optical illusions. Now I'm just starting to see things differently.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

Love it when you're expecting a brainstorm and...braindrought.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

A good first name for a sportscaster would be Shlomo.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

Make sure your diversion doesn’t become the main version of what you are immersed in. You will end up well-versed in rehearsing casting aspersions upon your own person.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

It was over the minute I realized the name of the bowling alley she chose to stand me up at. Splitsville.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

When the distraction becomes the main attraction, you know you aren't taking action. Maybe your idea is losing traction and it's time for addition by subtraction.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

Every day of the week ends in a “Y.” But #Monday is special. It usually starts with a “Why?”

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

In my dream last night, I was approached by a gunman. My reaction was nonsensical. Laughing, I put my finger into the barrel of the gun. Needless to say, my plan totally backfired.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

Just fixed a problem with the breaker and, dare I say, my basement is now lit.

[Michael Shtino @elshtino]

If left-handed people are more likely have increased math skills, doesn't it follow that it's more likely for a lefty to be right and, therefore, a righty to be wrong? Btw, I'm right-handed and wrong-mathed.