Elizabeth Tippet

I go to Paul Giamatti's dentist.

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

Current body type:

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

What are you ultra running from?

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

How you treat your Alexa is how you treat anyone.

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

What’s the acceptable distance to park from my kid’s school in order to sleep in my car?

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

I’ll try exactly one natural remedy for ants (cinnamon) before I return to the tried and true (a shotgun)

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

I’m too fat for climate change.

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

I only watch Dateline to feel better about my own bedroom furniture.

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

Love is not texting “I heard that” from the other room.

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

So we’re all pronouncing February wrong and I want us to keep on doing it.

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

But we can listen to Michael Jackson again just in October, right?

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

I walked around a corner and startled a grown man on his tippy toes sniffing a flower and, well, I guess I'm never walking around a corner again.

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

@lagutey thank you for standing with me

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

we're all just pretending we know what algorithms are, right?

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

If you guys are looking for a great tea set to let the child fondle admiringly, I really can’t recommend this one enough.

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

AA but for people who get hungover off two glasses of wine. We mainly talk about TV and what books we’re embarrassed to have liked.

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

I stood grocery store parking lot, marveling at the evening sky, thinking about how much I love LA - right before noticing a completely nude man masturbating on the sidewalk. I guess he loves it a lot more than I do?

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

Connecticut: where everyone has a neighbor named Tom™️

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

Child molesters not beagles.

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

It’s an immutable law of the universe that there’s only one good seat per living room.

[Elizabeth Tippet @eltippy]

So I guess dogs hate America.