em pastrana

You were wild once. Don't let them tame you.

[em pastrana @em__powering]

Highlight reel 1

[Arielle Kane @ariellesophia]

Hey! @elonmusk your doge minions just fired me and my colleagues at CMMI. We were working on improving maternal health outcomes AT LOWER COSTS so that less pregnant women would die in this county. I thought that would fit nicely into your agenda?

[billy eichner @billyeichner]

The legendary ELENA is back! To celebrate the opening of BROS today (!!!) I hit the street with Elena to spread the word, as only she can! ENJOY! GO SEE BROS!!! #brosmovie

[em pastrana @em__powering]

https://t.co/SAjhcLQtFi you so much.

[em pastrana @em__powering]

@ash_hole30 Truly one of the funniest shows I’ve ever seen

[The Daily Show @TheDailyShow]

When you find the manager

[em pastrana @em__powering]

Out of twitter retirement to let you know that I watched the Nickelodeon documentary on Hulu today & it was excellent !

[Brian Tyler Cohen @briantylercohen]

Still can't get over the fact that with Ukraine under siege for days on end, Zelenskyy has taken up arms to personally help defend Kyiv... and yet when there was a cold front in Texas, Ted Cruz had fled the country within 24 hours.

[Andrew Yang🧢⬆️🇺🇸 @AndrewYang]

Ukrainians - and their leader - are very courageous.

[billy eichner @billyeichner]

It’s ELENA’s birthday tomorrow! Happy Birthday to a living legend! ❤️

[em pastrana @em__powering]

Sometimes Dave and I like to be on the phone while we’re driving and not talk to each other. Just keep each other around. Anyone else?

[em pastrana @em__powering]

not me wearing the groom’s hat while I take his wedding photos

[em pastrana @em__powering]

@CarlyRayeMac They taste so bad. So so so bad.

[em pastrana @em__powering]

Twitter about to have a moment while the world mourns the loss of IG + Facebook for the day.

[em pastrana @em__powering]

@kayleigh_t11 My b for asking for a second basket.

[em pastrana @em__powering]

My dad’s new thing is accidentally FaceTiming me & when I answer he says “did you call me or did I call you?” It happens about once a week.

[B.J. Novak @bjnovak]

If you give me food in a container you will never get the container back, I don’t care if it is diamond encrusted Tupperware that has been in your family for generations

[annie @thisyearsgurl]

some of you have wore-converse-to-prom energy

[em pastrana @em__powering]

Idk what I’d do without Oreos.

[em pastrana @em__powering]

@vskustra And he wasn’t even being....ironic.

[em pastrana @em__powering]

Last night, David asked me why I had an “Alaina Morissette” record.