Emily Padgett

I think I’m funny and you should too

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

Love having to go back to the hospital because I left my purse.. 😒😑

[Kim Caramele @kimcaramele]

Trying to limit my negative self-talk like a dumb fucking bitch.

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

I heard there’s going to be a one woman feminist March in the DC area this weekend. Chick is going around with no bra on. It’s me. I’m the chick. My bra snapped. Plus humidititties. #landofthefreetits

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

Quick question: how tf did I land on fart-tok?

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

older and wiser? I cannot be the only one who’s gotten progressively stupider as time has passed

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

@19kt5 #missedopportunity

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

AC/DC brings out the best in our elderly 👼🏻

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

@19kt5 You could’ve won the youngest fan contest

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

@BingoIsTheNameo Elitism

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

“Everyone at the shore definitely knows the situation” -the situation

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

I now understand how people get so fucked up at Billy’s.

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

Just your average hometown hero here; didn’t use a straw at lunch.

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

What time does the support group for people who aren’t as funny as @19kt5 meet?

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

Chegg is the Platos Closet for textbooks.

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

The only reason I want to be at the va-ky fair right now is folk soul and I’m not there. ☹️

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

Trying to learn about my roommate, Alexa.. so far, her fav color is Ultraviolet and she has a crush on R2D2. 🤖🤍💙

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

Well, the dog just killed a groundhog in front of the neighbors and tried to bring it to me as a trophy. I’m not ok. I’m just waiting for the angry mob to show up at my door demanding I put him down.

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

Ya know, I never once said to myself “let’s do a job where there’s a possibility of getting puke on you”... today, another adult’s vomit got on MY face mask. #tgif #iquit #respiratorytherapy 🤢🤮😷

[Emily Padgett @em_lee_irl]

You know you’re gonna be a cool aunt when you explain that the teen girl next door at the beach is just sending thirst traps to all the guys on Snapchat and she hears and says “she gets it”.