em

your friendly, perpetually cursed, neighbourhood chef

[em @em_pulsive]

oscar wilde was on to something when he said people are either charming or tedious

[em @em_pulsive]

“I stopped talking to this girl I had been seeing for the last week because I don’t like saying no to you” sorry?

[em @em_pulsive]

@strangesoups LISTEN ITS FINE IM SO FINE AND COOL ABOUT IT

[em @em_pulsive]

@stranger_soups LMAO no you’re right I know this show is nuts and I have a stranger things tattoo so I have no room to talk 😂

[em @em_pulsive]

@stranger_soups Hold on now I just started riverdale 😂

[em @em_pulsive]

God forbid you’re a man that wants to talk to me and you can’t read perfectly. Like I’m sorry no I know how smart I am you gotta be on my level or higher

[em @em_pulsive]

Made out with some guy at the bar, everyone thinks I’m 25, made $200… successful birthday so far I’d say

[em @em_pulsive]

This is the worst heartbreak I’ve ever had and idk how to come back from it

[em @em_pulsive]

Overheard in Venice “he no longer makes me wanna vomit in my mouth”

[em @em_pulsive]

“You didn’t notice I got my hair cut”
“I noticed it hasn’t gotten longer” alright

[em @em_pulsive]

Oh nooooo he’s breaking through the massive bitch outer shell into the soft sensitive inside wtf is going on

[em @em_pulsive]

“Do you believe in cryptids?” “No I have firearms” OK

[em @em_pulsive]

“If I want to get off a jury I just say I don’t think mixed race people should vote” LMAO OK

[em @em_pulsive]

Sometimes I love when I start breaking out in hives because that means I get to take a couple Benadryl and I’m about to have the best sleep ever

[em @em_pulsive]

Swallowed a bug and got sprayed in the face with champagne today. Killin it overall I’d say

[em @em_pulsive]

Like a toddler that’s long overdue for a nap type crash out

[em @em_pulsive]

I am going to crash out

[em @em_pulsive]

I wish these men would stop telling me they love me no you doooooooont I’ve just got great tits 🙄🙄

[em @em_pulsive]

God don’t piss me off right now

[em @em_pulsive]

There’s something about the ducks taking out the oilers that is just so so fucking funny

[em @em_pulsive]

Manifesting the every loving fuck outta this job right now