Emily Hebner

mostly just clowning // brand marketing for @Parabol // jai yen/ be kind/ you can't beat fun ✨she/her

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

“The inventor of the spatula was a real one!! 🤗🤗🤗🤗”

- me, to myself, cooking after smoking a joint

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

“In this capitalist dystopia, we focus on what we failed to accomplish, rarely reflecting on how far we’ve come.”

- me, to myself, after giving up on washing a wire rack I forgot to grease before cooking chicken on it

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

@jappleby @parabol 💜

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

(me watching Top Chef All Stars, commenting on Tom Colicchio's drip):

"He is NOT afraid!"

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

‘Wild Isles’ giving ‘Rural Juror’

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

@BenjaminCrew1 Jenna: “Are you all right, Jack? You look like that flashcard they told me means sadness.”

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

me: (working out to get in shape)

my body:

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

it’s not a bachelorette party in your 30’s if someone doesn’t bring the Naked eyeshadow palette

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

What if - hear me out - all of our dads went to therapy?

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

.@MTA a man wielding a knife was in the first car of 2:55 C train headed to Euclid Avenue from Hoyt Schermerhorn

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

I’ve got my fleece-lined @Crocs on at JFK & I feel like da belle of da ball 👸🏻

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

@LankyMario @KuldarDroth Ahh I love it!! I love the carrots and the earring and the colors! 🐰🐰🥕🥕❤️❤️

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

“Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?”

sure but first I shall compare The Banshees of Inisherin to Gogol’s ‘The Nose’ so buckle up pal

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

the medicinal benefits of sparkling water cannot be overstated.

it is a corporeal, spiritual experience

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

@reenierosie 💚💚💚

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

me: "In my dream last night, I was on a yacht. And needless to say... things did NOT go well."

bf: (deadpan)"What a turn of events."

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

🎶
I’m a star!
I’m on top!
Somebody bring me some haaaaaam
🎶

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

Nothing scarier then getting onto a subway car & seeing a guy carrying a bare ass trumpet

[Emily Hebner @emheb]

*watching Gladiator for the first time with my bf*

me: “…I don’t like the gladiator parts.”