Emily Heskey

England's greatest centre-forward. BOW BEFORE THE GREAT HESKEY.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Sorry Luis, I'm afraid that the law states that racists can't be onside.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Yes, my outer chasis was carved with a diamond-tipped blade from marble by Leonardo da Vinci. Thanks for asking. #theheskinator

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

http://t.co/cB03WYWU The power and the glory. And the realisation that Stephen Ireland's been picked in the starting lineup.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Asked to star in the sequel to There Will Be Blood - There Will Be Goals. Best start method acting against United this weekend then.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Weimann's running round with a cone on his head screaming 'better than Messi!' Think that goal's got to him. Señor Hesk is not impressed.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

For those of you who didn't know, my middle name is Ivanhoe. You'd expect nothing else from The Heskinator, would you?

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Heskey Heskey Heskey gets goals after midnight

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Weirdest I've ever seen is Trev Sinclair at the 2002 World Cup. Ran round the dressing room pecking people and clucking. Bloody QPR players.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Everyone gets ready for games differently. Some sit alone, some joke around, and I drink the blood of a virgin and beat my chest to Prince.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Not sure why he's so upset, I'll gladly take over Downing's role. http://t.co/QP0hDgm NEED I say more...

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Mcleish putting on a brave face at losing Downing but when away from cameras he's necking scotch and singing 'My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean'

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Now Carew's left I am the only huge mercurial forward left in Villa's ranks. Although we're currently training Delphouneso for the role.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Alex McLeish has been stretching me on the rack since he took over, he needs me to be 8ft 4 for his route-Hesk system next year.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Lo! For I have returned.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Don't know why there are all these players dropping of England early. I retired after slaying every defence on the planet, and then some.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Randy Lerner will surely submit before our Colussus-esque physiques. Or we'll threaten to only pass the ball to Stephen Ireland next season.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Hanging out with John Carew and laying out the final details for the 'Coup d'Villa'.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Darren Bent shares many of my trademarks (playing for Villa, having a big face), but he will never be able to repeat The Heskinator's feats.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Monday, tuesday, Heskey days.

[Emily Heskey @emilyheskey]

Everybody needs a Heskey for a pillow.