Emily

[Emily @emilyjester]

if you had told me 18 months ago that i would one day be able to sleep comfortably on a plane in an n95 and cloth mask, i would have called bullshit. who would have thought.

[Emily @emilyjester]

i don’t know why the amount of people wearing masks below their nose surprises me every time. just... why even wear it?

[Emily @emilyjester]

also, for those wondering... airport is NOT a ghost town.

[Emily @emilyjester]

pros to a fit tested n95... it’s such a good fit i wouldn’t be able to smell the morning coffee kicking in for the people crop dusting me in the security line. still waiting to put it on until the plane.

[Emily @emilyjester]

“ella, what’s on your sweatshirt? mustard?”
“i think algae”

[Emily @emilyjester]

my 6-year-old at the dentist today: “and, um, dentist? can i tell you something? i pick my boogers and eat them. and we don’t floss.”

i wish i was making this up.

[Emily @emilyjester]

overheard on a first grade zoom call... "I would, but I'm not just the spelling kind of guy."

guess who's kid said that?

[Emily @emilyjester]

teacher is explaining mindfulness. we’re on two things you can smell. first graders be like “i can smell stinky farts.”
#remotelearning

[Emily @emilyjester]

teacher is explaining to kids over zoom about what wearing masks in class will look like. first graders be like: “but how will we eat lunch and snacks with our masks on?”

[Emily @emilyjester]

Pros of remote learning: being a fly on the wall. Sitting here listening to all the kids in William's first grade class say their favorite numbers over zoom.

"6!"
"27!"
"8!"
"7!"
"5!"
"Googol! It's 1 followed by one hundred zeros."

Guess which one was my kid?

#remotelearning

[Emily @emilyjester]

i worked until 3am, trying to sleep while my kid is doing remote school close by: “i’d rather scream it instead of just say it but i can’t even do that because my mom is sleeping in the room next to me. &my nini has sensitive ears so i can’t yell. but it’s ok i can just say it.”

[Emily @emilyjester]

Teacher: “Will, do you like your room clean or messy?”
W: “I kind of make it pigsty sometimes but I kind of like it clean because then I have more room to play but sometimes it’s a pigsty like it’s pigsty right now.”

[Emily @emilyjester]

and yes we still have halloween candy from last year because apparently i’m the worst mom ever and never let my kids eat candy

[Emily @emilyjester]

funny questions my kids ask me part 1: can i eat halloween candy while i wash my hands?

[Emily @emilyjester]

i wonder how long until he can tell time and eventually see me for all i truly am which is, of course, a mom who loves early bedtimes and well rested children. 😂🤷‍♀️

[Emily @emilyjester]

act just as surprised as he is when he realizes how dark it is outside, how did you let all that time pass while he was playing?? he will happily go to bed because he thinks you let him stay up until the middle of the night.

[Emily @emilyjester]

parenting hack: put the littlest to bed early, let the 5 year old play for approx 20 mins and then tell him it’s the middle of the night and he’s been up WAY past his bedtime.

[Emily @emilyjester]

now i’m spending my time explaining to my almost three year old why rapunzel and mother gothel don’t chew gum during the movie tangled.

[Emily @emilyjester]

me to girl #3: do you know when your birthday is?
girl #3: um, no but my mom is 30.

[Emily @emilyjester]

me: william are you going to introduce me to your friends?
william: friends! this is emily!