Emily

[Sarah Silverman @SarahKSilverman]

No one deserves to be spoken to in the tone I speak to Alexa

[ICE T @FINALLEVEL]

I get on Twitter… talk a little shit.. Get off… Back to life...

[Emily @emilykurlander]

I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited to start to see pollen on my car.

[Emily @emilykurlander]

Granted, who am I to know what exactly happened but I’m so tired of seeing all of these pictures of Jordyn Woods crying. Girl, you deserve every bit of hate coming your way. Suck it up and get over it.

[Emily @emilykurlander]

Never had Jonas Brothers Radio on Pandora until today ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Emily @emilykurlander]

I’m about to go to see them live for the second time and @Joe_Gatto and @BQQuinn are currently at the same Devils game as me. What’s a girl gotta do to meet you guys? @truTVjokers @jamessmurray @SalVulcano

[Kailyn Lowry @KailLowry]

I think I’m crazy, but it’s fine

[Joe Gatto @Joe_Gatto]

“Stop calling it a dream. It’s time to start calling it a plan.”

[Emily @emilykurlander]

I could be driving and not breaking any laws but still panic when there’s a cop driving behind me

[Law & Order SVU @NBCSVU_fans]

Happy 55th Birthday @Mariska Hargitay!! 🎉🎂

[Joe Gatto @Joe_Gatto]

We’re officially on @netflix !!! Binge season 1 of @truTVjokers . Add it your list! Spread the word. Help us get more seasons added. This is super cool. #thanksfansforthesupport

[Vinny Guadagnino @VINNYGUADAGNINO]

I miss Vine

[Emily @emilykurlander]

Salsa with fruit in it is a no go

[Emily @emilykurlander]

I just want @khloekardashian to pop out that baby girl already 😍😍😍😍

[Khloé @khloekardashian]

I am now so excited my daughter will have forever best friends with Chicago and Stormi!! God is great!!! Thank you Lord for our princess 👑 👶🏽💗

[Emily @emilykurlander]

Get me out of here before I blow my entire life savings @Target @Target @Target

[Emily @emilykurlander]

I don’t know what to consider sleeping in anymore since I walk up at 11am everyday because my work hours vary from 3pm-3am 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Emily @emilykurlander]

Will someone please explain to me why ZERO out of the three GPS apps that I have; none will work? My location is on in all of them. I don’t get it.

[DanielleMonaro @DanielleMonaro]

I want a consolation puppy! #grammys @ElvisDuranShow