Emily

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

Non-native English Speakers, what’s a word from your language that you think is perfect that doesn’t have an English equivalent?

Take us to church.

[Emma Court @emmarcourt]

NYC is limiting the hours when trash is taken out because of issues with rats, and it's genuinely hard to pick a favorite quote from today's presser

Pick your fighter:

[Emily @emilysharpy]

You’re hired. #itscalledmanifesting

[Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer]

Everyone says the first thing you should do if you win the Mega Millions is hire a lawyer. I am a lawyer. I will be your lottery lawyer. I have no idea what to do but we gonna have a good time.

[Emily @emilysharpy]

I saw a lady have to Shazam Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney at the bar last night.

[Emily @emilysharpy]

Managers are just fall guys for their directors. Like I am essentially just a punching bag.

[Emily @emilysharpy]

Petition to keep the rainbow lights up downtown for all of July too. @ChicagoMayor

[Emily @emilysharpy]

If there’s anyone we should be okay with killing it’s old white men. And deep down I think they know that.

[David AttenBruh @AlHendiify]

Since we’re talkin about petty ass elephants: a handful of years back I was workin at a zoo that had a handful of female African elephants. The most dominant one was named Leah (or Lea. Who cares she ain’t readin this)

[Emily @emilysharpy]

My new workplace is so dysfunctional and every single day I feel like I’m not doing a good job but holy hell is it entertaining. 😅

[Emily @emilysharpy]

I think I just saw Justin Beiber outside @HarryCarays. Like 95% sure.

[Emily @emilysharpy]

I put on my fckn trendy ass jeans and a tank to walk to the grocery store. I get there and everyone is in awful prairie dresses. I give up. Going back to athleisure full time.

[Emily @emilysharpy]

My grandma: You just need to find a nice catholic boy.
The catholic boys:

[Emily @emilysharpy]

I am 8 weeks into my first management job. It has aged me at least 10 years.

[Emily @emilysharpy]

@skweejeee V relatable

[Emily @emilysharpy]

Decided to treat myself to business class on a flight for the first time ever this weekend. Do you wanna know how it went? I missed the fucking flight.

[Emily @emilysharpy]

@RoseBrolowski Because of this tweet, I had 2 pieces of cinnamon toast for breakfast this morning. I was hoping the pick me up would last twice as long.

[Emily @emilysharpy]

I called this eventual collab in 2012!! I’m literally about to stay up all night looking for the tweet.

[Chicks in the Office @ChicksInTheOff]

What crossover episode is this?!

[Emily @emilysharpy]

The shear disappointment when you ask an attractive and gainfully employed 33 year old man where he hangs out on the weekends and he names all Old Town bars.

[Emily @emilysharpy]

This morning I had to explain to an outpatient that you cannot claim religious exemption to a TEMPERATURE CHECK. #blessedbe

[Emily @emilysharpy]

I actually think I am going to quit healthcare and start a business dedicated to running background checks on men my friends go on dates with.