Emily Urness

Recovering Fussbudget, Badass, Story Capturer

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

Pretty sure the man who removed my ingrown toenail was drunk. I make poor sober life choices?

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

Shape wear hangover, pinched chub.

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

Considering going 90s goth makeup to the wedding this weekend. #bridesmaidfromhell

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

The barista just told me and my 28 year old brother to get along. I wish we still had sock em boppers to handle this situation appropriately

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

@brawluk love you sooooo much

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

It's time to make my yearly triumphant return to Twitter. Maybe this time I'll stay.

[Feministing @feministing]

How surprising: A new study suggests that men who harass women online are losers. Literally. http://t.co/HYKYXKoL9P

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

Mom in my selfie: Blow that up and put it in the garden as a scarecrow!

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

@rgay then you told him the truth. Let me tell you, listening to you talk about rejection at AWP was nothing short of magic. Own it.

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

I need to be dewormed. #gummyoverdose

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

I think I finally understand Twitter! It's where you write stuff and pretend that everyone is listening and cares. Got it...love it.

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

That moment when you realize the cute baby in the coffeeshop is staring at you while crapping herself.

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

Even after all these years I think that coffee is some kind of panacea.

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

I'm wondering how long, collectively, the world has watched the LaBron dick clips.

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

Turns out waking up and putting on my gym outfit doesn't magically transport me to the gym. #workingitout

[LaShonda Searcy @LaShondaSearcy]

Shit RuPaul says! #DragRace (Vine by @RuPaulsDragRace) https://t.co/mxBZf7pLjZ

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

Teenagers with hickeys. #summer

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

Thinking about our funfetti overdose. @maxymiw

[HuffPost @HuffPost]

If you haven't seen this, Amy Schumer's Glamour Awards speech is PERFECT. http://t.co/BuoPVSYego

[Emily Urness @emilyurness]

LaBron James is the honey badger of basketball he doesn't give a shit! #NBAFinals