em

am i being weird

[em @emilyyneal]

stop putting siren sounds on the radio and stop putting doorbell sounds in tv commercials. you're freaking out me and my dog

[em @emilyyneal]

@OffendMyEyes these are sick!

[Chance The Rapper @chancetherapper]

Damn can u be this mad at police brutality

[em @emilyyneal]

yesterday someone asked me for fashion advice and I had to tell him that I buy most of my clothes in the same place I get my groceries so maybe I’m not the one to ask

[em @emilyyneal]

overheard at a bar: “can i have a beer, and my wife will have a wine” wife: “and make it a heavy pour” ......old people are the absolute worst

[em @emilyyneal]

“and then i kissed you with the force of a thousand waterfalls” -dwight schrute

[em @emilyyneal]

it took me almost 25 years to realize it’s BrusselS sprouts

[em @emilyyneal]

“I only had 2 slices of pizza” -me justifying eating an entire pizza cut in half

[em @emilyyneal]

I find solace in knowing that tomorrow will be better 🙏🏼🦋

[em @emilyyneal]

everyone’s all dressed up to go christmas shopping, meanwhile I’m wearing a zeppelin tee and an old flannel ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[em @emilyyneal]

that video of the raccoon losing his cotton candy in the water still makes me cri evrytiem

[sarah is LUCID🌙 @darlingh0ney]

ᵒʰ ᵐʸ ᵍᵒᵈ ᵗʰᵉʸ ʷᵉʳᵉ ʳᵒᵒᵐᵃᵗᵉˢ https://t.co/TYB3XTcejW

[em @emilyyneal]

the world needs 2 know

[em @emilyyneal]

finally realized why there’s an iPhone 8 and iPhone X but no iPhone 9.... it’s because 7 8 9

[em @emilyyneal]

I love when people ask me if my tattoos hurt like they didn’t just see me cry over stubbing my toe last week

[em @emilyyneal]

I told my dad I was eating vegan so he bought me a giant pepperoni pizza and told me to “just pick around it” :/

[em @emilyyneal]

slowly realizing that half of my wardrobe is tie dye 🌈