Emma Crawford

lifestyle comedian

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

If you ever retweet me, DM me your address and I'll mail you a handwritten thank you note

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

Biden says tomorrow he’s doing 9/11

[Chris @citehchris]

if usher wants a truly memorable halftime show he’ll bring that pop tart out

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

Jesus Christ: the original Rizz God

[big beauty judy @samwaltjones]

this is my greatest creation

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

@Annnnnannanna Well behaved women rarely make history

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

If you can’t honk the tonk, then you shouldn’t tonk the honk.

[Jacob Bryant @Jacobryant16]

life’s a party. let it rip!

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

@spencer_jagoe So crazy that someone with such a similar name as you also shares a birthday with you in the same town you live in. Wow

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

I really like the idea that garbage men are best friends. Just think about them talking about life and helping solve disputes. Brotherhood of garbage men ya know

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

When will I learn to stop putting bananas in my backpack

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

@trustfaulls Thought this said lap dance

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

I just thought to myself “wow it’s dark in here,” but really my eyes were just closed and I didn’t realize ???

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

Any of my followers ever felt weird before? remember it’s anonymous so it’s safe to answer honestly

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

My money/grocery situation: currently eating a deli chicken and strawberry jelly sandwich

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

Butt dial and booty call mean the same thing right

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

This Oscar’s kiss cam is crazy

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

Today I woke up to my first alarm and thought, "this is what my first alarm sounds like?"

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

Don’t @ me about eating ramen

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

I just fell down the stairs while holding a bowl of ramen that *truly* could not have made a bigger mess. It was on the wall, all down my staircase, in the hall. Some noodles landed over ten feet away from the bowl. If you saw it you would be flabbergasted

[Emma Crawford @emmacrawfo]

I forgot my car locks recently broke and someone rifled through my car and found a cap & gown, 3 pairs of shoes, 2 pairs of glasses, some receipts, 4 kinds of crackers, a family photo, old parking tickets, junk, and trash. Must of been so disappointing and somewhat confusing