to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account

~TW
~ x1 🏥
~any pronouns
~pro recovery but not in recovery!!
~ed, pdd, mdd, ocd, bpd, cptsd, ptsd, adhd, anxiety, sh, insomnia, dissociation
~POTS ME/CFS fibro

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

61kg ✨️
So close to 50s!!

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

I havent weighted 60kg since 4 August 2019...
Im so close 🤞🏻

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

After much trauma I can say it takes about 3 years to get over pretty much anything

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

64kg

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

Im not losing weight anymore, this is a nightmare

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

I wanna get hospitalized so fucking bad I can't handle myself around food on my own

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

Im living one panic attack after the other...

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

Fuck fuck fuck fuck I'm gaining weight again fuck fuck FUCK

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

I have my last 15kg to lose, might start a fast and exercising :/

After losing 35 and then maintaining exercise might be the only option which isnt great since im disabled and exercising is hard 🫠

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

I was almost 8 months clean, not that i was counting but thanks mom for remind me why i even started to do it /s ♡

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

Context, i had a friend group, me, A and L, we met day 1, were super friends, than S came around and since we liked eachother she became part of the group.

Me and S had a bad breakup and she make me the bad guy to them, who left as well and they are now on vacation together....

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

I hate myself so much but also if i had a child just like me i would love them so deeply...

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

Body check

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

There’s something strangely maternal in tending to a self-inflicted wound

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

And now, almost 3 years later, im in a place in life where I could love you correctly and I miss you more than anything

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

I lost 70 pounds in 8 months.
Went down 6 sizes!!
Now i only have 40 pounds left to lose to my GW and they are gonna be the hardest to lose

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

I happened to scroll back to my old posts and honestly I dont even remember having this profile for that long... so many versions of me that now dont exist anymore...

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

Lost over 30kg! Feeling good.
20 more to go...

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

I miss being so consumed by love i dont know where I begin or end and it all has no meaning without them

[to_the_perfection | edtwt + shtwt + vent account @emmaseddiary]

Had some pasta earlier, im gonna gain so much weight tmr...