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Wallahi, I find this line of reasoning very problematic. This is not a personal statement directed at anyone specifically but a general one, and even an admonition to myself. Alhamdulillah for the guidance from brothers whom Allah has blessed, and who have shared some of their thoughts with me.
Because of that I have come to realise that there is no amount of "bad stories" that can make it a bad idea when one is being pushed towards doing something more righteous.
I will use a simple example. All of us, quite frankly in this era, will most likely have zero problems whatsoever if that same man in question upgrades her life visibly in worldly matters, even if it is something she is not "ready for" as is the argument being made. There are men who have indeed done this, where the very act of marrying them leads to a total upgrade on the financial and professional front that the woman herself could not necessarily have imagined or been ready for. And this is not even limited to marriage. We can make the same argument for those in the dating stage, may Allah rectify us all, and I bring this in deliberately because it factors in the possibility of them breaking up, and yet the man does all of this, and it is still perceived by most of us as a win for her and an overall improvement in her life. There is hardly any pushback against the bad stories that come from that, granted, I have been seeing the illogical narrative of "he upgraded her life and then left her," which I may engage on its own merits another time, but that is not my purpose here.
Yet when the situation concerns the Deen, someone pushing you towards being better is treated as some form of red flag? Wa iyyadhubillah. This is frankly not a healthy mentality. The Prophet instructs us to hasten towards goodness. There is no time, as much as we think there is. Now, this is not to say everything is perfect and I am well aware of the realities in some of these cases.
However, at the very root of this affair is the fact that the action in and of itself is a good one, and that decision should certainly not be ridiculed, which is what the woman in the original tweet sought to do, and which is also what we are doing when we make comparisons like this.
I would say the above speaks more to the women, but a resonating example for the men is how we manage to make every excuse in the world when it is time to learn the Deen, especially the "no time" excuse, and yet wallahi, if we heard that millions of naira were being shared somewhere within our reach, we would rush there without hesitation and make time no matter what. This is a sign of how far we have regressed in the Deen in the pursuit of other things. Allahu Musta'an.
I hope my point is clear, particularly that I am not conflating both cases. That is why in my original tweet on this matter I had initially placed the blame for the negative reactions on the men for their mishandling, as well as the fact that we are jeopardising our own faith by failing to focus on the inherent good, and in this case, the decision for the woman. We are not even assuming the best of a fellow Muslim, as that is the standard being operated on right now in this discussion.
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Walaekum salam warahmotullah wabarakatuh
So sorry for the late response, please send a dm, I have a complete revert package for her. May Allah make her steadfast and bless our anon that’s been supporting. Aamen.
Jazakumullah khayran.
4 hijabs slot left for this month! May Allah bless anon and all the recipients, may Allah bless my business too.
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Please repost so it can reach people who need it.
@THECRIMESAGA As soon as you become a knight, you can only move in an L-shape. On the positive side, you can jump over people if you want. Even kings can't do that.
Three weeks ago, my 23-year-old neighbor was kidnapped on her way to Kontagora in Niger State.
While in captivity, the bandits repeatedly raped her taking turns sleeping with her night after night. Still, they kept bargaining with her father over the phone, demanding ransom even as they violated her.
Her father fought with everything he had. He hustled day and night, borrowed from everyone, took loans, sold whatever he could determined to bring his daughter home.
When he finally gathered the full amount, he called the bandits and begged them, ‘Please, give the phone to my daughter. Let me speak to her. I want her to know I’m coming for her.’
They gave her the phone.
In a broken, traumatized voice, she told her father: ‘Dad, do not suffer yourself looking for the money. They have been sleeping with me. I’m traumatized. I can’t forgive myself. Even if I’m released, I’ll kill myself. Don’t bother paying the ransom.’
Those were the last words she ever spoke to him.
While her father was still holding the phone, he heard the gunshot. He heard his daughter being killed. Moments later, the bandits sent pictures of her remains to him, a final act of cruelty.
A 23-year-old girl. My neighbor. Someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone’s friend gone in the most horrific way possible.
This is not just one story. This is the nightmare too many families are living in Niger State and across Nigeria. Young women snatched on the roads, violated, used as bargaining chips, and discarded like nothing.
Living in Nigeria has become truly scary. You wake up, you step out, and you don’t know if you or your loved ones will return home. The fear is constant. The pain is constant. And too often, justice never comes.
Rest in peace to my neighbor.
Dear single people, don’t let social media damage your view of marriage before you even enter it.
Every day, people online are saying: “I can never do this for my husband.” “I can’t allow this.” “I will leave immediately.” “I don’t need anybody.”
Some say these things
My first words will be to the singles
Don’t join any force to chant men are kinikan
Even if you have experienced bad aura about men growing up ,that doesn’t mean you can’t change narrative going forward.
You have not seen the husband ,but you already have a mindset of war ,there is no how you are going to succeed.
Stop the attitude of I can’t I can’t
Turn yours to dua
Pray that your Rabb grant you yours that will be the coolness of your eyes
Pray for a home filled with tranquility and love
Pray !
Turn any topics to dua for you ,yourself and your generation to come .
Don’t let the new wave of toxicity get to you .
Don’t start a war before seeing the man .
There are good marriages darling
There are peaceful home
Peaceful though not perfect
There are homes where imperfections are turned to mercy
There are homes choosing one another each day
There are homes building their akhirah each day .
Do away from toxicity
Remove your mind from I can’t I can’t
Why are you fighting a battle for a home you have not been in
Why?
Instead of gathering opinions and allow toxicity in to your heart ,pray
Turn each moment to dua
Yah Allah bless my future husband
Yah Allah ,pave way for him from where he least expect
Yah Allah ,guide him and perfect his ways
Yah Allah ,grant us patience when it’s time for us to go through any trials
Yah Allah ,grant me the patience and hikmah to help him when needed etc ……
Leave toxicity away from your soul habeebty .
To our men
I can talk from both sides
The good and the bad
My summary for our brothers today?
Fear Allah
Fear Allah for the Amanah placed with you
Omolomo is feeding in her father’s house before you go and marry her ,therefore fear Allah regarding her .
Respect isn’t for women alone to give to you ,you are to respect every women in your possession too
You are to protect gently and firmly where necessary.
Qawam isn’t by agidi
Drop the mancho ego in your head and live
Some of our babas didn’t really enjoy the fruit of their labour because of their egos
Don’t be a soldier in your own home
Build a home filled with compassion ,mercy and love
Don’t be part of those chanting women can’t understand
You are not jinn ,open your mouth and talk to your spouse where necessary
TALK
find SOLACE with your spouse
Be genuine and sincere
No sensible woman will take that for granted .
Don’t be without taqwa
Fear Allah
Be open
A woman that knows your situation will definitely know how to step in and bring peace to you
Be man enough when you desire another
Go about it respectfully with hikmah ,love and compassion .
Don’t bring a new woman in when you are t capabale emotionally,financially,sensibly!
Be good to your family
Be kind
Be gentle
Be patient
Fear Allah
Sit your spouse down and have a comprehensive conversation
Your wife is you
You are one
Stop doing anyhow
Keep good company
Be romantic
Stop that generalisation of I am a traditional man
Like Pele oooo sango olukoso
What’s the benefit of your traditional status if it doesn’t make you good to your spouse ?
May Allah enrich you and ease your affairs
Your wives are garments to you same way you are to them .
Be good to them !.
It is safe to say that this woman’s understanding of the jurisprudence of marriage is rich.
What she has just done in this video was to peel back layers of cultural tradition to reveal the actual, empowering laws of the Deen that protects the dignity of women, and how the heavy lifting of provision and protection resides squarely on the shoulders of the man.
Her statement that "my money is my money" is not out of place. Islam granted women full financial autonomy over 1,400 years ago, a right many other legal systems only adopted in the last century.
Under the Islamic framework of Qawwam, the husband carries the full, non-negotiable burden of providing housing, food, and every essential need, while the woman's money remains entirely her own.
This is a fundamental right established in Sharia to protect a woman's financial dignity. It is ONLY out of her desire, sense of belonging, responsibility and benevolence that she can support her husband if the need arise. Many mothers do this. But, they are not compelled under the law.
So, NO 50-50 in Islam.
Her point about Kafa'ah, or marrying within a similar social status, is also a grounded scholarly concept intended to ensure that a woman is not forced into a lifestyle far below what she was raised with.
You cannot marry an expensive girl brought up with exclusive lifestyle and want to force her to maintain a low lifestyle with you. It doesn’t work that way. Go for your type. This will help you maintain the tranquility of your home. Remember, no Julaybeeb again o 😂
I also partly support her point about the use of women for domestic labor such as laundry and cleaning. Under our law, all domestic work that is indoor that will not require a woman to stress herself outside is what a woman should do.
For context, a husband should be the one filling the gas if the need arise. But as we all know, the rules aren’t strict to the point of prohibition. It can be switched based on the level of understanding and relationship between the husband and wife.
Importantly, my point is; our wives should not be our domestic servants. There is a responsibility on the part of the husband to support his wife in domestic chores. It helps to sustain the bond and your wife will always look youthful and beautiful.
Allah knows best
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This 3-pieces is all shade of modesty, class and love. It is what you need in your wardrobe, believe me!
What color combo will you prefer?
Ramadan gift boxes still very much available, check the quoted for prices and content.
We’re all sinners, one way or another, but the best among sinners are those who conceal their sins and seek repentance. You don’t come openly exposing your sins which is clearly against the teachings of Islam and expect people to keep quiet and mind their business. Whether you like it or not, so long as you’re a Muslim bearing a Muslim name on your handle, you’re automatically an ambassador of Islam. Your actions reflect the teachings of Islam to non-believers, so spare everyone the “nobody’s perfect” quote,
we all know it. ✍️
On a mission to sell 100 of this 2-pieces set in the month of June Bi Idhnillah. I help Muslimahs and sisters dress modestly and according to their body types, sizes and all.
I have something exciting for you soon too, please anticiwait! May Allah preserve our lives and ease it. Aameen.
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2pieces set from my brand ofcourse.
Shots taken and edited by @DRealIlorinBae1