Emo Philips

Comedian & Mammal.
Looming gigs:
Appleton, June 11-13;
Kenosha, June 19-20.
2026 thru 2079 tour schedule:

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

I like Twitter because it combines my two favorite forms of communication: texting, and throwing a note in a bottle out into the sea.

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

they’re not like chimps, who have mastered smoking safety

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

never give a squirrel matches

[The Independent @Independent]

Utah is so bone dry amid drought that a squirrel and kids with matches started separate brush fires

https://t.co/qJHCt0TD8n

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

always light their cigarettes for them

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

will endeavor to make them funnier

[Pink Frankenstein @pinkfranken]

@EmoPhilips Link doesn’t work for me

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

@EmoPhilips 😂

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

The "Emo Philips: Guaranteed No Cannibalism" Tour is all set to savor its Wisconsin leg: Appleton, June 11-13; Kenosha, June 19-20; Janesville, June 21. Partake: https://t.co/uzJy79Rq4e

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

While I am, of course, rooting for them, we should definitely double check their results

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

you could’ve just told us

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

The size of a toucan's beak compared to the rest of it's skull

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

you could’ve just told us

[Interesting things @awkwardgoogle]

The tongue of a woodpecker wraps around its skull to protect its brain while pecking

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

Hello! I’ll be performing all o’er America in ‘26; for the show closest to your home, or farthest from your home if you’re a fugitive, I beg you to please kindly gently click https://t.co/uzJy79QSeG

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

https://t.co/uzJy79QSeG

[Dr Whom @chapel3929]

A very important Emo announcement. So sorry to hear this

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

https://t.co/5rZfg648Yd

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

a catchy mnemonic to remember the alphabet

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

https://t.co/uzJy79QSeG

[C.R.FitzGerald•••• @ColdRFusion]

Emo Philips

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

keep going…

[James Lucas @JamesLucasIT]

A fresco of St. George fighting a dragon spent nearly four centuries hidden behind another painting in a Naples church before a restoration brought it to light four years ago

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

Emo-Philiacs of Atlanta! https://t.co/uzJy79QSeG

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

The "Emo Philips: Guaranteed No Cannibalism" Tour will soon be savoring its southern leg:

Greenville, May 21
Atlanta, May 23-24
Birmingham, May 25
Mobile, May 27
Bay St. Louis, May 28
New Orleans, May 29
Lafayette, May 30

Partake: https://t.co/uzJy79QSeG