Emo Philips

Comedian & mammal

Looming gig: Providence (@cmdyconnection) Nov 11

2026 thru 2079 tour schedule:

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

I like Twitter because it combines my two favorite forms of communication: texting, and throwing a note in a bottle out into the sea.

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

https://t.co/uzJy79Rq4e

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

oh trust me — it works both ways

[Dr Pooja Garg @poojagarg1111]

Crows can hold a grudge against a human for up to 17 years.

Seventeen years!

That’s nearly two decades of memory of remembering a face, a voice, or a feeling.

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

With Phil Collins on Miami Vice #ThrowbackThursday

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

I almost gave up on Youngstown, but I had already printed the posters

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

The “Emo Philips Plays Detroit, Cleveland & Youngstown” Tour is delighted (and relieved) to be adding:
Detroit
Cleveland
Youngstown
https://t.co/uzJy79Rq4e

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

same

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

this will hurt the economy

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

I take back everything I’ve said

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

the vampire bat has a scary name but does much good, eating up to twice its weight in vampires every year

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

more work, but you can taste the difference

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

those are not my best hours

[Elara Raven_PNG @Elara_Raven]

how attractive are you from 1-10

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

thanks for ruining curious george for me

[𝚂 𝙾 𝙼 𝙼 𝙴 𝚁 🎙️ @SommerEnVinagre]

Los científicos llevan más de 80 años comunicándose con los chimpancés mediante lenguaje de signos.

Los chimpancés no han hecho ni una sola pregunta de momento.

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

this will hurt the economy

[Black Hole @konstructivizm]

The dying Sun may tear the outer solar system apart far sooner than anyone expected.

New research in The Astrophysical Journal Letters suggests that once the Sun sheds its outer layers and collapses into a white dwarf, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune could be thrown into chaos in roughly a billion years—not the nearly eternal stretch of a quintillion years previously imagined. Earth will almost certainly be long gone by then, but the gas giants may not survive either.

Traditional models assumed the outer planets would quietly endure for eons until a random passing star finally disturbed them. Researchers Konstantin Batygin and Jim Fuller of Caltech, along with Fred Adams of the University of Michigan, found a more violent possibility: if the Sun loses mass in discrete bursts rather than a smooth wind, the planetary orbits can be destabilized relatively quickly.

“Everything changes when the envelope departs in pieces,” the authors wrote. In simulations of 672 burst-driven scenarios, up to 96% of the systems became unstable within 3 billion years after the Sun became a white dwarf. About 40% suffered disruption or violent scattering even earlier, before mass loss was finished. Some planets were ejected entirely; in others, Uranus and Neptune swapped places.

Gentler bursts sometimes locked planets into stable resonances that held for billions of years, but the overall picture is clear: the Sun’s death may not be a slow fade. It could be a comparatively rapid, chaotic upheaval that ends the orderly architecture of the outer solar system far sooner than once thought.

[Acme Comedy Company @AcmeComedyCo]

The great @EmoPhilips is at Acme this Wednesday through Saturday 🔥

Take your chance to see this comedy legend live in Minneapolis!

[Frank Conniff @FrankConniff]

Looking for something fun to do this weekend In the Twin Cities? Well, I am opening for @EmoPhilips tonight, tomorrow night, and Saturday night at Acme Comedy Club. Emo is only the greatest, so stop by if you’re in town! https://t.co/mCxSxq9G4b

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

Off to Minneapolis! https://t.co/uzJy79Rq4e

[Acme Comedy Company @AcmeComedyCo]

The Great @EmoPhilips takes the Acme stage this week 🚨

Get tickets: https://t.co/BoUvwetTeC

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

https://t.co/uzJy79QSeG

[Tommy Olsen @ComicOzzie]

@EmoPhilips Great show tonight Emo! It was worth the three hour drive! Thanks mostly for your speaking with my daughter. That meant the world to her.

[⋆˖⁺‧₊𝕻𝖊𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖈𝖍𝖔𝖗₊‧⁺˖⋆ @petracore1347]

Just saw Emo Philips, amazing night!