Ja Teso

music for life🎹🎷🎺🎧🔋🎼🎵🎶

happiness is a human right

In toxic relationship with Manchester United ⚽

[Ja Teso @Emormor_KE]

Tomorrow is the day son of the soil @OkiyaOmtatah will be addressing stay tuned

[Ja Teso @Emormor_KE]

@polo_kimanii Mimi jamaa alinifunikia magoti ya ng'ombe kwa nyama bana nikafika kejani, ilibidi nimerudisha

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

Most of these unsuccessful men you see here,are not unsuccessful because they have not tried. Or because they are not hardworking They are unsuccessful because things have not favoured them,which is unfortunate. That is why even jesus himself preached humility,because what you have you as a successful person,is not by hardwork as you tell yourself,ni bahati.

If it was just about hardwork,watu wa mjengo tungekua na magorofa mingi sana. Mimi kwanza ata mkiniona namna hii,nimejaribu sana hii nairobi,mpaka nilijaribu mziki mkakataa kununua CD,KDF recruitment karibu nikufe juu ya sweating,nikajaribu hoteli karibu wanifunge juu ya food poisoning,nikaenda coding,huko nikasoma hello world miezi mbili nikaona ni upus

Ukulima nikajaribu cabbage acre mbili karibu niruke kichwa. 2023 Nikakuja Nikajaribu broker kupeleka sukari Rwanda,huko naye karibu wanimalise,kumbe sugar distributor mkubwa huko ni kijana ya kagame na alikasirika tunaharibu market,na ni general buana. Nikapotea ocha miezi nne. Fielder nilikua naona naruka kwa mahindi. Sahii nawauzia Cctv cameras. Mungu baba wacha nikuambie kitu moja,na siongei vibaya,hii ikizama utakuja uniambie unataka namna gani,ama nijilete mwenyewe.

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

Poverty is painful my friend. Yunno people dont believe we walked to school barefoot. Unajua ocha huwezi lala njaa,lakini utaenda mwezi ujaguza ata 200kes. Kiatu mpya ilikua ni rumours. Yani unaangalia kiatu yako namna hii unaona nyuma imeisha pande moja ikafanana Raila junior,mbele nako imepasuka. The shoe keeps on laughing every time you make a step exposing your ashy toes that have not tasted oil for almost 3 months. Unaona hakuna difference na kutembea miguu tupu. Unairudisha chini ya meza. Shule nayo unatembea 8km. Ocha day schools showed us bad things. Hapa ata ndio serikali ikatuletea rubber shoes za msaada,ziliitwa Toms. Kidogo tupate jiggers buana

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

Congratulations to everyone graduating this week. Now moving to more important matters,Those who are graduating and did courses like

Mass communication
Electrical engineering
International relations
Journalism
BCom
Hospitality and Tourism

This is how things are likely to go for you.
After graduation

Week 1- Excited,very optimistic,and ambitious

Week 3- you start sending applications,to companies you admire working for- still very optimistic and ambitious Week

4th month- Sad,still optimistic,still ambitious and still sending appications.

9th month- Brokeness you have never experienced before,parents dont want to see you seated idle at home

1 year- Moving out,Depression,Pessimist,safaricom line salesman,intensive amount of dryspel

2nd year- Car broker,professional gambler,conman,forex trading,failed podcast,failed acting career,serial drug abuser

Year 3 after graduation- struggling entrepreneur,Depressed,Sugar mummy hunting(which you never find),alcoholic

Year6- forgot what course you did,Independent entepreneur,two baby mamas,toyota axio,part time conman,broker,Part time timber supplier

Welcome to the club cabrons,cheers🍻

[Marto🇰🇪 @marto254_]

Marking 5Years Of Impact. I&M Foundation’s commitment to humanitarian aid has strengthened Kenya’s social fabric. Help us continue supporting those in need. #CelebratingIMpact

[Eric @amerix]

To my esteemed followers,

HAPPY NEW MONTH, SEPTEMBER!

The next 90 days will be your battlefield to fight, endure, and conquer.

Here are our September goals,

• Daily OMAD for 25 days

• Wake up at 4: 30 am

• Read a book chapter daily

• Go to the gym for 12 sessions

• Learn a new skill

• Save 30% of your income

• Cut down 50% of your expenditure

• Start a project eg animal farming eg poultry, goats, sheep or a cow.

Don't wait.

#ManDay

[Marto🇰🇪 @marto254_]

Celebrating 5Years Of Impact at I&M Foundation where the vision of sustainable growth thrives.

Through building capacity, nurturing dreams, and creating opportunities, they've sparked real transformation

#CelebratingImpact

[Eric @amerix]

I am not giving up on MEN,

I won't give up.

We have been demeaned, belittled, and our dignity and pride taken away from us.

We won't relent.

We must all get better together or perish as fools.

[Eric @amerix]

Men,

Weapons that must always be in your bedroom,

• Hammer

• Seme

• Sword

• Spear

• Rungu

• Panga

• Whip

• Catapult

• A gun — if possible.

Nobody should touch them except you.

Don't joke around.

Remain dangerous!

#MasculinitySaturday

[Eric @amerix]

Men,

GOOD MORNING!

It is Saturday, therefore it is #MasculinitySaturday.

Welcome to today's class.

This is a class:

• Of MEN,

• By MEN,

• For MEN.

As our tradition, mark the class register.

Where are you following from?

[Eric @amerix]

UGANDA is just about to RE-ELECT its 80-year-old dinosaur.

COTE D'IVOIRE is just about to elect (AGAIN) its 80-year-old dinosaur.

MALAWI is just about to elect (AGAIN) its 85-year-old dinosaur.

CAMEROON is just about to RE-ELECT its 92-year-old dinosaur.

DINOSAURS!

[Eric @amerix]

In the middle-class neighbourhoods of Nairobi, like South B, Kilimani and Kileleshwa, — and even Eastleigh.

Do you know the most booming business there?

It is the Occupational Therapy Clinics that deal with the rehabilitation of children with neuropsychiatric illnesses like

• ADHD

• Autism

• OCD

• PANS, PANDAS

• Rickets

• Epilepsy

Children of educated parents who have abdicated their responsibilities.

They think money can replace parenthood.

Their source of food is supermarkets.

Children need food, not products.

#FoodFriday

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

Na wanaume ata tukisema women make houses liveable,haimaanishi tuwaachie kila kitu wafanye. As a man its very important for you to ensure you have a majority share when it comes to ownership of household assets. Juu siku bibi anakwambianga ‘I cant do this anymore Felix”,atoke aende kwa sister yake Lower kabete,kesho asubuhi anarudingi na kalorry. With her faced unwashed,in a black hoodie and faded skin grey tights,anakwambia nimekujia vitu zangu.

Buana anafagia nyumba mzima,yani unaangalia namna hii unaona kweli hakuna kitu yangu apa,na ni juu mligawana kazi yeye anunuange vitu za nyumba na wewe umekua ukilipa rent na school fees. Buana nguo unawekewangwa hapo kwa corner na kagunia kama fundi wa maji. Nyumba iko empty ata ukinyamba unaskia echo kwa bafu buana.

Alafu bado ujue unafaa kuendelea kuwasupport ata wakihama. Ukileta kichwa wanapigia mama yako wanamwambia ‘Mum ebu ongelesha felo anataka tukufe’ . Weh! Wanaume ni tujipange jameni,im not saying you start doubting your wife but Murphys law is very clear,that anything can go wrong at any given time. Mimi huku kwangu mama chris akisema ni kuenda,kitu tu anaweza beba ni hii cactus yake ya plastic,with her 50 pairs of shoes all not worthmore than 6 sausand shillings. Mimi ni noma si noma!

[Ja Teso @Emormor_KE]

@marto254_ Umeamulia kanono 😂😂

[David de Gea @D_DeGea]

A magical moment for me and my family to come back to Old Trafford - my home

From the bottom of my heart - I want to say thank you for the reception - for all the love you shown me today

To the supporters that never stopped being with me throughout my time at this club

Our paths may cross again but for today..

We've seen it all 🔴🟣

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

Kesho friday kule corporate wameambiwa saturday wataenda naivasha kufanya ile inaitwa team building. Their HR who is a low profile porn addict with an active pornhub subscription amewatengenezea programme hatari sana ya michezo watafanya huko. Among the games they will play is the one where female collegues are told to wear shorts for flexibility,then hold balloons between their thighs and the male collegues are given toothpicks,wanaambiwa waume toothpick na meno waende watoboe zile balloons ziko kwa mapaja,while kneeling like mutinas on heat

Wakitoka hapo wanakunywa maji,wanarudi uwanja mchezo namba two you have to run carrying your female collegue on your back. Ukose uchukue the fat one who is always drinking okra water in the office and always complaining how hormonal disorder is affecting her weight despite her handbag never lacking mandazis or crisps. Hapa utaitana. Despite her not being the one running,you'll hear her panting and sweating profusely ata mapaja haishikiki vizuri mkikimbia,inaslide.

By the time you're going back home in the evening umechoka unaskia umejaa umama kila mahali. Theres not even a single drop of masculinity left in you,inabidi umepita juu ya gate angalau uwanaume irudi kidogo. Ayam telling you maina,vitu wanaume wanapitia kule corporate ata joseph hakupitia wakati alimezwa na samaki. Justice be our shield and defender because Ruto is the devol!

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

In my books of beauty,there are three types of beauty. Kuna warembo wanakuanga warembo at first sight,yani mtoto chepu chepu,you dont need to look at her twice. But when she becomes yours,her beauty evaporates. Anarudi kukaa normal,alafu mkiwachana she starts glowing again. Ni kitu saitanic buana

Alafu kuna hii sampuli ingine,at first when you look at her,she barely makes it to 5 in your scale. But with time,mkizoeana unaanza kuona eih! This one is beautiful,but in her own way. Her beauty appears through interactions and character you have with her. And i tell you brothers,this is the one to marry. They will never teach you this in unifasti

Alafu kuna sasa hii ingine tunaita ong’ong’o. These ones are not physically attractive,ni wale ukitaka wakuje kwa mansion huwezi waendea kwa gate msionekane nayeye mkipanda stairs. Weh! Apana chesa,but now their hearts are very pure. Ni wale tunasema she’s beautiful inside. Hawa stocks zao hupanda wakati ya baridi,Na ni wale pia my professor PLo lumumba alisema when theres too much cold,even a no go zone becomes a Ngo no zone. Angalia jirani mwambie maraga statehouse!

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

But why do they want to make young men look like failures when they haven’t even started. Jamaa kako 23 years lakini matumaini hakuna kabisaa,ati maisha imekua ngumu. Of course life is hard. Lakini Wanaume tulisema as long as you breathe you still stand a chance to turn the wave around.

Na mjue sisi sons of peasants,sisi we do not have the previledge of ‘enjoying our youth’ like these sons of Burgueses,our youth is for toiling and making something out of our miserable lives when we still have strength. And nobody is coming to hand us things,sisi sio wanawake ati tutaolewa na rich husbands,we have to make these things,unfortunately,that is the way of men. Na ndio huwa nakasirika nikiskia mtu akipayuka men and women are equal,wapi?

Ikikuja ni kupiga kazi pia tulisema aibu unarusha mbali sana. Dont be one of those who wake up in the middle of the night to click after remembering how many opportunities they have missed because of shame and shyness. Na hii maisha amna formula,You just have to start with what you have. Kama ni kuuza njumu? Sawa. Kama ni kurepair simu? Sawa! Kama ni salary ya 15k kwa mhindi? Sawa. Mechanic? Sawa.

Just make sure you’re doing something,as days go by and as you progress,opportunities unapatananga nazo kule mbele. Do not feel like a loser for lacking what others took 15 years to build. Ata huyu Ruto mnaona hapa anauza nchi sahii,Ripoti zinasema alianza kuuza vifaranga za mama yake,akaenda kwa kuku,akaenda kwa mashamba za wenyewe,sahii anauza ma Airport,ni kujituma. Just start with what you have buana,apana lia lia apa kama kumbavu

[Ja Teso @Emormor_KE]

@dorah_muhanuuzi Yes because men were created first

[Eric @amerix]

ALCOHOL has destroyed families.

— don't entertain it.

Sit down with children from families where parents are alcoholic and the family is broken, you will not romanticize alcohol again.

Don't sanitize alcohol. It is a demon.

Don't drink alcohol.

ALCOHOL IS BAD