Nikolay Markov @[email protected]

Principal Architect, building #BigData pipelines. #Python, #Go, #Kubernetes, Computer Science enthusiast. Also, #MachineLearning rules!

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Jordan Lewis @largedatabank]

how many layers of sql are you on?

[koush @koush]

Twitter engineer here, just got a call from the boss to turn off 5000 servers, doesn’t matter which ones.

[Sabrina @sabrinaesaquino]

oh, you're a programmer? so how much is 0.1 + 0.2?

[Wonder of Science @wonderofscience]

This is not a time-lapse video. Amazing footage of a river of lava moving at an incredible speed captured by photographer Ken Boyer.

[Anthony Sottile @codewithanthony]

pretty good phish pretending to be @pypi -- especially after the recent "critical package" emails look very similar. dead giveaway is it's "PyPI"

[Moxie Marlinspike @moxie]

It's amazing to me that after all this time, almost all media coverage of Telegram still refers to it as an "encrypted messenger."

Telegram has a lot of compelling features, but in terms of privacy and data collection, there is no worse choice. Here's how it actually works:

1/

[D. Kalugin-Balashov @rvncerr]

Цель жизни: никогда не стать таким человеком, как тот, кто живет в квартире слева...

[nikhil @jhanikhil]

in cursed news: today I wrote some Kubernetes YAML that is *also* valid AT&T syntax x86_64 assembly (both print hello world)

[Виталий Брагилевский @_bravit]

АААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААА

[FSD in 6 months @FSD_in_6m]

@flames_of_chaos @sascha_p The author posted this video in the comments. It's a truck full of traffic lights.

[John Arundel @bitfield]

Junior dev: My code is simple and easy to understand.

Mid-level dev: My code is subtle, clever, innovative, expressive, hyper-optimized, and ingenious.

Senior dev: My code is simple and easy to understand.

[EmmanuelOga @EmmanuelOga]

Lisp: everything is a list.
YAML: nothing is what it seems.

[Nikolay Markov @[email protected] @enchantner]

Using Twitter for 12 years already! #МояГодовщинаВТвиттере

[David Berardo, PhD @SarlCagan93]

You can measure the speed of light at home using just a microwave and a bar of chocolate!

[Russian Memes United @RussianMemesLtd]

Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts

W-what?

All classes will be online

[SHOOTER @CierraGlaude]

Hi. It’s me.

[Alex P 📛� @SanSYS]

Помните историю о том, как парни логику в базу перетащили?
Вплоть до формирования json в базе данных, т.к. БД типа отлично умеет это делать ))

Я решил глянуть работу их API и результат меня позабавил
го в тредик )
https://t.co/zB2huT5Hof

[Bryce, the CUDA Colonel @blelbach]

The creator of C++, Bjarne Stroustrup, had his Reddit account suspended because Reddit does not believe it is him

He cannot appeal, b/c he is suspended & cannot log into Reddit to file an appeal

Someone from Reddit needs to fix this - please retweet!

https://t.co/y2krZC88ao

[Abandoned account of Thorsten Leemhuis (1/5) @kernellogger]

Merged for #Linux #kernel 5.9: proactive compaction, which helps to allocate a large fraction of memory as hugepages while keeping allocation latencies low.

Details and performance numbers: https://t.co/PQasCX1Z5R

See also https://t.co/Zdb1SlKJ5W (written by the patch author)