I am emotionally numb nowadays and stuck within the perimeter of the walls i built myself to initially protect me but now that's the limitation , my comfort zone , not being able to get out, endless fall . I can't even express myself in simple words if asked, I go quiet
Previous company started targetting me unnecessarily and caused lot of salary issues as well. Which is why I had to resign in April , somewhere around the last tweet of mine .. I did get another WFH contract job within that same month and that's what I've been doing until now
Twitter is easiest place for me to journal , I do write down stuff physically nowadays as well. I like writing with a premier ink pen with custom nibs and converter. It feels good. But I also need this digitized journal more so that I can train my AI such that it understands me.
I used to talk to one girl and she was exactly my type and we really vibed . It felt really good for the first time , This was somewhere around January. Went on a first date as well. Later i ended up rejected because I am too "emotionally unstable"/"depressed"/"restarted"
I lost my main backbone friends who were there for me since past 15 yrs over a small misunderstanding and talkable matter because they weren't ready to talk it out , Unexpected shock shi , it's been a year since. It's really lonely out here. No progress in dating life either
Money really helped me cope, An expensive beast PC, Modifications to my car, eating whatever I like , buying stuff which I liked as a kid , buying stuff for my mom
I have been building side passion projects as well as working on my contractual freelance or whatever company as a software dev but I've not been assigned any project for a while so it's kinda getting to me. I need money