Emily Benefield

I am sick to death of cleverness. Everyone is clever nowadays.

[Emily Benefield @epbenefield]

@KarenKilgariff

[The Onion @TheOnion]

"Not since the implementation of DNA profiling in the 1980s have we equipped our investigators with such a powerful new forensic tool."

[Emily Benefield @epbenefield]

@AmericanAir 10:49 update: “Waste leak” was spilled coffee 🤪

[Emily Benefield @epbenefield]

Two hours on the plane, sitting at the gate, with no end in sight. We will never cheat on @SouthwestAir again 😭 @AmericanAir

[Emily Benefield @epbenefield]

@SouthwestAir You complete me.

[Arrested Development @bluthquotes]

“These are my awards. From Army.”

[Sam Beddingfield @SamOduche]

Friendly reminder that everyone that voted Republican is not a racist piece of shit and everyone who voted Democratic is not a liberal snowflake. Not listening to each other and associating character with political alignment is what got us to where we are now.

[I’ve Pet That Dog @IvePetThatDog]

I pet Otis. He is a 10 year old Puggle. Otis is a friendly dog who loves to eat. He is in the Pet Pals program. He visits kids at the library and adults in nursing homes. Otis is a good hunter. He even caught 2 mice and laid them on his caregiver’s bed.

[Emily Benefield @epbenefield]

There is a line, and Cheerios crossed it.

[Emily Benefield @epbenefield]

Hi @Adele would you please cover @U2’s Every Breaking Wave? This feels worth it for my second tweet of 2018.

[Emily Benefield @epbenefield]

@sfish93 @itsmillerleigh RE: your last tweet

[Emily Benefield @epbenefield]

Been here for almost an hour trying to decide if I am bored by curling or if the funny yelling makes it all worthwhile.

[Emily Benefield @epbenefield]

@BrianAslin What about people who choose Mrs. Fields over Great American Cookie Co?

[Emily Benefield @epbenefield]

@BrianAslin Good news is that must include plenty of bread.

[B.J. Novak @bjnovak]

Dogs should judge the dog show

[Emily Benefield @epbenefield]

🙌 https://t.co/wD3nqWSsR5

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

'Effect': almost always the noun
'Affect': almost always the verb
https://t.co/OEqXIeDiJP

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

'Extravagant':
baroque, devilish, exorbitant, excessive, extreme, fancy, immoderate, inordinate, insane, intolerable, lavish, overdue, overextravagant, overmuch, overweening, plethoric, profligate, steep, stiff, spendthrift, thriftless, towering, unconscionable, undue, unmerciful

[Stacy Fish @sfish93]

Waking up when your city has a world championship

[Emily Benefield @epbenefield]

All I can say is GO STROS #sports

[The Onion @TheOnion]

'Good Old Days' Traced Back To Single Weekend In 1948 https://t.co/uRfOG8lUnS