Elizabeth Peterson

[Maggie Phillips @maggiemphillips]

The Mardi Gras-to-Ash Wednesday pipeline

[Matt Swaim @mattswaim]

And Jesus said to him, You lack one thing: Go, close all of your tabs, and you will have treasure in heaven.

But his face fell, and he went away sad, for he had a great many open tabs.

[Meacham @MeachamDr]

At this LaQuinta Inn and Suites just off I-95, you can enjoy your continental breakfast outside on the patio.

[Elizabeth Peterson @epetey14]

Last night, my mom—who is as offline as it is possible for a human to be—referred to BEYONCÉ as “the girl from Pink Panther” (the classic 2006 Steve Martin movie that I’m sure only my family still watches)

[caitie delaney @caitiedelaney]

Just got out of a 20th anniversary screening of Pride and Prejudice (2005) and the whole theater went fuckin ape shit when Mr. Darcy walks across the field at dawn. They had to send in the cops from the Minecraft screenings to subdue the chaos. One lady went into cardiac arrest

[Josh RR Jokien @joshcarlosjosh]

Get me to God's country

[Peter TOTO💜 @petermarietoto]

the muppets are meant to be an omnipresent part of pop culture. they are celebrities, not characters. miss piggy should have a late night show. kermit should host the oscars. gonzo should be on tiktok. why is this so hard to understand

[Alyssa 🌻 @alyssaleann]

smashmouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming

[Boze Herrington, Library Owl 😴🧙‍♀️ @SketchesbyBoze]

we love Edgar Allan Poe because he portrays universal human emotions like loss, grief, unrequited love, burying your enemy alive in the cellar and being scared out of your mind by a bird.

[The Notorious J.O.V. @whotfisjovana]

ㅤ

[Brett Kelman @BrettKelman]

Vanderbilt is going to party so hard tonight that an entire generation of future doctors will be slightly dumber

[Midwest vs. The Rest @midwestern_ope]

*temp drops below 90°*

Midwesterners:

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

“Taco Bell isn’t even good” Yeah I know. Sometimes the raccoon inside of me craves garbage. Leave me & my Crunchwrap alone

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

i think about this every time i’m on zoom

[Ҝ @__kdash_]

I’m done drinking, unless my friends want me to, or I’m out of town or if the weather is nice is the only exceptions