Erika

Am I an artist yet?

[I'm yer Freckleberry @PicklesnPickles]

I hate when I forget I'm watching a recorded show and watch all the commercials like some prehistoric Neanderthal asshole

[Fred Delicious 🍆 @Fred_Delicious]

[Obama & the pope watchin Netflix]
Obama - "ok so basically that guy is Walter White, he cooks meth"
Pope Francis - "thats so fuckin badass"

[Sasshole @RidiculousSheri]

Sexting:

Him: So what's your favorite position?
Me: Fetal.
Him: What are you wearing?
Me: Cat hair

[Erika @ergamarr]

That awkward moment when you try to dye your hair blonde but it turns even darker. I guess i'll never know what it's like to have more fun.

[Erika @ergamarr]

*goes to target to buy toilet paper* *forgets toilet paper* *redecorates entire house*

[Erika @ergamarr]

When you find a stolen purse in the bushes outside your window #justghettothings

[Erika @ergamarr]

Me: God, are you there?
God: new number who dis

[i feel like @yoifeellike]

a potato with alot of feelings

[Erika @ergamarr]

Current mood

[Erika @ergamarr]

Therapist: So when did your self esteem go down the drain?
Me: it all started when I accidentally opened my front facing camera...

[Erika @ergamarr]

I was so drunk last night I paid my credit card bill twice #responsible

[Matt Shirley @mattsurely]

Is it okay to get drunk on a Tuesday? Asking for the past.

[Erika @ergamarr]

He has to protect me from literally everything else.

[Erika @ergamarr]

I have to protect my 6'5 boyfriend from spiders.

[Erika @ergamarr]

99% hair 1% opposite of dignity

[Erika @ergamarr]

*has to talk self out for 45 minutes of adopting llamas off craigslist*

[Erika @ergamarr]

I like to think of myself as a non-profit disorganization

[eric curtin @dubstep4dads]

[dog walks by wearing boxing gloves]
me: haha i get it. hes a "boxer."
dog: im a golden retriever. this is just a hobby you fucking idiot

[Erika @ergamarr]

*pets dog* Dog: I have a boyfriend.