Erik Caplan

First of my name. The Unburnt. King of the Andals. Protector of the Realm. Breaker of Chains. Father of Dragons.

[Erik Caplan @Erik_Caplan]

@Andrew_Gannon12 You're one of many old sport

[Erik Caplan @Erik_Caplan]

I don't expect people with unrefined palates to agree with me when I suggest that Triscuits are a top 5 cracker. Triscuits are complex. They're a thinking man's snack.

[Johnny Depth @WizzlemanJohn]

NEW DAPPER BOYS ALBUM OUT NOW

[Erik Caplan @Erik_Caplan]

@WizzlemanJohn This was the pinnacle of an illustrious twitter career that ended too soon

[Erik Caplan @Erik_Caplan]

Reading 50 Shades of Grey so I can help my rents decorate their bathroom and it's not nearly as erotic as I expected

[john is toast @johnistoasted]

It’s funny that Spider-Man’s parents don’t know he has spider powers yet they literally named him Spider-Man

[Princess Melda @mel_walk]

25 retweets and John grows his hair out instead of the buzz cut he’s had since 2nd grade

[Trill Withers @TylerIAm]

Being a fish look like navy seal training these days

[Erik Caplan @Erik_Caplan]

Shampoo and body wash are just shower condiments

[Erik Caplan @Erik_Caplan]

@WizzlemanJohn 🔥

[Your Fav Hater’s Fav Hater @Mikeyrockss_]

When the job application asks for a desired salary

https://t.co/piA865IFLn

[Erik Caplan @Erik_Caplan]

@mel_walk @WizzlemanJohn you have no idea how desperately my self esteem needed that two-like power up

[Erik Caplan @Erik_Caplan]

I drew the line on hipster antics when they started moving into trailers and calling them tiny houses

[Erik Caplan @Erik_Caplan]

@Fish_Filet Your cube sounds preeeetty

[Erik Caplan @Erik_Caplan]

Plants ranked from easy to care of to hard to take care of:
1. Succulents
2. Tulips
3. Nuclear power plants

[Erik Caplan @Erik_Caplan]

Bradley Cooper just gave Carson a standing ovation on live TV. That's got to be debilitating for all 12 fans tuning in out in Los Angeles.

[Erik Caplan @Erik_Caplan]

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cus 7,8,9 and became 16 and is getting it's permit and yelling at its parents and getting kicked out of a vape shop

[Victory Brewing Co. @VictoryBeer]

1,000 retweets and we'll bring back #WhiteMonkey.

[Erik Caplan @Erik_Caplan]

@johnnybistline hahaha its the best kept sandwich secret there is. The perfect marriage of bold and zesty nestled into a lightly toasted bun

[Johnny Depth @WizzlemanJohn]

#MannequinChallenge minus da cat