erki

[erki @erki]

Just worked out for the first time in a year. Feels good to be back in shape. http://t.co/CyoYUTVoOA

[erki @erki]

That awkward moment at a feminist picnic when they realize no one made sandwiches. http://t.co/FpU9KYBQUn

[erki @erki]

Heard a Beethoven piece & a Ke$ha song yesterday. Which one is deaf again? http://t.co/dD4yCRFeHj

[erki @erki]

http://t.co/Vg1umPe8fY I'm glad David married me for my brains. My glorius, perky, bouncy brains.

[erki @erki]

"WHO WANTS A PIECE OF ME?!?" - Jesus, at the first Communion. http://t.co/k9DCIq5Rl6

[erki @erki]

Prison guard is a pretty good job. Who's going to steal a prison. http://t.co/VR29ce71NN

[erki @erki]

http://t.co/Y6iJODcLA6 "Not gay enough" - superhero working on his costume

[erki @erki]

http://t.co/KtMaWUOFou A polaroid is what an eskimo takes when he wants to bulk up.

[erki @erki]

I screwed up self-checkout at the supermarket and had to ask myself if I could see a manager. http://t.co/aWtijOAY4k

[erki @erki]

http://t.co/2oICpAm6Li In Hidden Valley, childhood obesity is covered up in creamy ranch dressing.

[erki @erki]

Ran out of Manila envelops. Off to the Philippines. http://t.co/a2dQWiLzKx

[erki @erki]

Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity. http://t.co/hWdbEOfGct

[erki @erki]

http://t.co/l5H8IwWo3P The Bible is subtitled "Shit My God Says".

[erki @erki]

Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt? http://t.co/vEB4ltg8r9

[erki @erki]

How can we know atheism exists? Where's the evidence? http://t.co/cvt1UEIXZo

[erki @erki]

http://t.co/1BomiLFrYO Some people are about as useful as the "r" in February.

[erki @erki]

Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass. http://t.co/l5dGsaDC5N

[erki @erki]

Sneezed. Nobody blessed me. Going to hell. http://t.co/p3tmI8GJsN

[erki @erki]

http://t.co/zVX9bbHQEk Rubbing my ass on these documents because the boss's email says to "cheek his paperwork".

[erki @erki]

http://t.co/yXk9fXI5SH "It's not you, it's me. " - twins looking at family photos