Erik Klose-Minyard

“too got to gandle”

[m@thew @TweetPotato314]

me: u know how we want clothes on our roof but can’t reach

wife: we have never discuss-

me: *loading t-shirt canon* stand back

[Phil Jamesson @PhilJamesson]

he was as strong as steel and equally as flexible. he glinted in the sun like steel. he was a bar of steel

[UnDo 512 @undo512]

do you ever have one of those weeks where everything in your life goes wrong to the extent that it’s just kind of funny? like oh another devestating blow???? nice try universe but i actually cannot get anymore stressed out

[Kids Write Jokes @KidsWriteJokes]

whats the differnce between a man and a poo

nothing

[donni saphire @donni]

Sure, you might think I’m annoying now, but you’ll also think I’m annoying later

[rob from online 📱 @robfromonline]

crazy how before dating apps the only way to meet someone was to bump headfirst into them while carrying a huge stack of important papers

[nat towsen @NatTowsen]

Sorry if this is too controversial but it's actually bad if a person dies needlessly even if they are not American.

[Erik Klose-Minyard @ErKlose]

@Mia_Klose_ rude

[i'm funky fresh @farvannn]

imagine a vampire giving themselves a pep talk to a mirror that has a crudely drawn picture of themselves that they drew taped to it

[Kristen Arnett @Kristen_Arnett]

what, and i cannot stress this strongly enough, the fuck day is it

[david @_elvishpresley_]

Flight attendant: is there a doctor onboard?

Dr. Seuss: *starts to get up*

Mrs. Seuss: sit the fuck down theo

[Erik Klose-Minyard @ErKlose]

he is so proud of his shirt

[Kristen Arnett @Kristen_Arnett]

12 days of christmas but it’s me just eating twelve different kinds of pasta in a single hour on christmas day

[♥mark magark♥ @markedly]

Me ripping the plastic tags off my mom’s new slippers

[tom @pilau]

[first day as lawyer]

judge: you’re accused of theft

me: *whispers to defendant* oh you’re going to jail

judge: and murder

me: *gasps* double jail