corkmaster, master of the cork

niles crane’s flour child

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

of the bar and is subsequently called out for sporting a hijab-inspired secular accessory and immunocompromising their gender neutral baby DOES NOT EVEN CRACK MY TOP 30 WESTERN MASS STORIES

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

western mass lesbian bar owner who made her bar mask optional one night week sparking accusations of racism and ableism who apologized incorrectly (without alt text) and was forced to make pensive graceful loops on the stripper pole alone

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

while her co-founder enrolled in clown school and online critic he/him lesbian so noire pointed out that inviting a poc to a meeting without pay is racist and other online critic ace whose partner is, according to their bio, a DOS (descendant of slaves) calls for the firebombing

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

of the bar and is subsequently called out themselves for wearing a hijab-inspired secular accessory and immunocompromising their gender neutral baby is DOES NOT EVEN CRACK MY TOP 25 WESTERN MASS STORIES

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

this country so fucked even our gangs have a two party system 🔴🔵

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

very law-abiding guy naming his kids: yeah this is my eldest Rule and his little brother Norm

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

@NManjila 💩💨🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

“protecting you from third parties” okay but what if the first two functions were boring and it’s saturday and i’m not sleepy yet

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

if they did a poc remake of mean girls you wouldn’t have to change regina george’s name. you could just make her malayali

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

image is so messed up…why isn’t he holding that baby in his other arm??

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

dom judge to the attorneys on the case: alright, i’m issuing a gag order

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

frats are wasted on frat boys

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

just bought a house with my Zillow rewards points. i had to use like a zillion of them

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

people are taking too many liberties with the whole blaming autocorrect for their own inability to spell thing. like yeah you totally typed “finalize” and your PHONE made it “finalies”…

[steak @communicat1022]

Touch my recurring bit. Touch it. Fuuuuck keep riffing.Keep riffing off my recurring bit. Reference it.Reference my bit in your joke. Yesssss reference it more. Now use your opener to suck my low hanging fruit. Fuckkk now do your catchphrase. Yess. heckle me a little too.Fuckkkkk

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

lat lag gayee is to indians what stereo love is to europeans

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

do you think if they hired the blue man group to be in the next avatar movie it’d be cheaper because they already come like that

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

writing a lab report on the bounce of a kardashian BBL, call that an assay

[corkmaster, master of the cork @eshitweets]

she’s my first lady who doesn’t shave, call her barbara bush