Sarah Kate 🌵

she/her.

I have to admit I switched sides on the pineapple on pizza debate. Simultaneously overwhelmed and under stimulated.

[Sarah Kate 🌵 @essmack]

Honestly you can tell me in a polite way "we're trying for a baby" all you want, but I'll only ever hear it in my head as "we're raw dogging it as often as possible"

[Sarah Kate 🌵 @essmack]

@samanthtweets The real ones do

[Sarah Kate 🌵 @essmack]

@manhaterade This is horrifying

[Sarah Kate 🌵 @essmack]

The weirdest part of a colonoscopy for me is the thought that someone rolls me over and spreads my cheeks.

[Sarah Kate 🌵 @essmack]

@speak_now89 @blessedswifty As a local, absolutely not I don't know a single local friend not wait-listed. lol

[aims ⸆⸉ 🦋❤️‍🔥 @shimmeringtay13]

146 dates for The Eras Tour…. I’m never getting over this

[♡ SEEING PHOEBEEEEEE @hauntedintro]

DO NOT TRAVEL TO CANADA FOR THE ERAS TOUR ‼️🚨 it’s very cold and scary especially in november. you will get eaten by polar bears and you’ll have to ride on a moose to the stadium because we don’t have cars yet

[Sarah Kate 🌵 @essmack]

3rd consecutive night having work nightmares. Coooooooooooool.

[Mike The Situation ☝🏻 @ItsTheSituation]

BARBIE,
THE FIRST NIGHT AT BED WHEN YOU LEFT, KEN MADE OUT WITH 2 GIRLS AND PUT HIS HEAD INBETWEEN A COCKTAIL WAITRESSES BREASTS. ALSO WAS GRINDING WITH MULTIPLE FAT WOMEN.
WHEN YOU LEFT CRYING AT KLUTCH, KEN WAS HOLDING HANDS AND DANCING WITH A FEMALE AND TOOK DOWN HER NUMBER.
MULTIPLE PEOPLE IN THIS HOUSE KNOW, THEREFORE YOU SHOULD KNOW THE TRUTH.

[Sarah Kate 🌵 @essmack]

I love my husband, I love that he's the last thing I see before I fall asleep and the first thing I see when I wake up. I love snuggling him whenever I want. But GODDAMN I sleep so much better when he's away😅😴 🛌 #solosleepbestsleep

[C O U R T N E Y @icourtneycries]

haunted this, dear john that. you know what i can’t wait for? MEAN (taylor’s version). cause she really is big enough so you can't hit her and that must have felt so gooooooooood to sing this time around.

[Sarah Kate 🌵 @essmack]

Why do so many people include their pee stick in a pregnancy announcement? I feel like it's really just not necessary. You peed on that!

[Sarah Kate 🌵 @essmack]

"It's easy to know who you are when you chose once and never changed your mind."

[Sarah Kate 🌵 @essmack]

9. There's more, but I'm over it - fuck you. 😊

[Sarah Kate 🌵 @essmack]

To: Tom Sandoval, re: tshirts and sex; a 🧵

[Sarah Kate 🌵 @essmack]

8. It's not her job to "be hot" for you.