ethan

always a lil sweaty

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

@Kenn321705 I’ve never stolen an erection in my life.

[jønny @jonnycollage]

the bowling alley screen when you hit a strike:

[Hadas Weiss @weiss_hadas]

i bring a sort of “none of this means anything” vibe to the workplace that no one there appreciates

[Lost Internet @LostMemeArchive]

Smoking Big Doinks - Young King Dave (2017)

[Future Moldovan Citizen Fan @CommonSentiment]

Took my (frigid) wife to see Wuthering Heights tonight. Car ride to the theater she put on the Hamilton soundtrack and scrolled through Pinterest the entire time ignoring me. I think I chipped a tooth from clenching my teeth.
Walk into the theater lobby and it’s a sea of screaming black teenagers and obese guatemalan women babbling into speakerphone. I buy her some garbage to eat and we go into the theater. Before we sit down she accidentally (?) spills her extra large diet Dr. Pepper on my seat, but the theater is full so I just sit in it. My ass is immediately soaked but I don’t care I just don’t want to move my body anymore I just don’t want my body to function.
The guatemalan women are in the theater and they and my wife are all staring at their phones, giving the room a sickly, ambient glow that makes my eyes water and my stomach turn.
The movie starts and I mentally check out, thinking of the chubby teenage girl at the concession counter and how thrilling it would be to kidnap her. I let my mind drift away but my wife snaps me out of this fantasy by hacking loudly trying to get a stuck popcorn kernel out of her throat. The guatemalan women sense distress and start nervously gibbering in their gutterspeak. I excuse myself to the bathroom but instead sneak into some kind of cartoon called Goat.
I sit in the back and sob softly until a black teenager notices me and screams “ayo dis gay nigga crine!” and the rest of them start jeering and screaming at me so I rush out. I lock eyes with the chubby teenage girl in the lobby and she looks sad and I imagine she’d be okay with me kidnapping her but I just go back and sit next to my wife in the giant puddle of diet Dr. Pepper.
The movie finishes. We leave. Wife immediately puts Hamilton soundtrack back on and scrolls Pinterest. We won’t be discussing the film.
No, we won’t be discussing anything.
Am I Heathcliff?
Am I myself?
Am I a person?
Am I sure I can keep doing this for one second longer?
Tomorrow is Friday, but in reality, everyday is Monday.

[Jade Law @jadel4w]

Microslop

[Errai @errai]

(after three beers) Do you guys ever feel sorta.. empty? Like you're housing a malevolent entity as a passenger in your body but have no identity or will of your own

Friend 1: you're probably just a husk man

Friend 2: vessel alert

[Colin McCarthy @US_Stormwatch]

This footage from inside the eye of Category 5 Hurricane Melissa might be the most jaw-dropping video ever captured of a hurricane’s eye, showcasing the infamous “stadium effect."

[John A. Daly @JohnDalyBooks]

Instagram keeps serving this video up to me, and I keep laughing.

[vel @INEED2GOHOMENOW]

the lion hadnt really thought about it that way

[hope hopes hoping @hopes_revenge]

gf says because we got chinese yesterday we can’t get it again today. i don’t think that makes sense . they do it in china all the time

[Greg the Sorcerer @gregthesorcerer]

You gotta be kidding me

[Roy Drones Jr @chiweethedog]

RIP

[Victoria Rose @woahhvickyyy]

Miami be feeling like sodden and gonnorah