Ethan Allen Smith

Designer, thinker, explainer, storyteller.

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

@BleacherReport @NFL @Vikings #GregJoseph #GregTheLeg @KirkCousins8

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

That thing we did with Betty White, where we all decided to celebrate her existence because she just made the world a better place, can we do that for @alanalda ? That man is a national treasure.

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

Mark Zuckerberg looks like what would happen if a witch enchanted an Olive Garden breadstick to become a real boy.

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

@current I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET SUPPORT FOR TWO WEEKS. I HEED HELP AND NOBODY WILL WRITE OR CALL ME BACK.

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

If white nationalists are on your side, you’re on the wrong side. And if you have a well-reasoned argument about why you think I’m wrong, you’re only proving the point.

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

@greatbrandsUSA So… how do I get you to send me the correct hammer?

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

@greatbrandsUSA I ordered a hammer and you sent me the wrong one. I have no idea how to contact your customer service.

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

@greatbrandsUSA Through eBay.

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

Today is March 418th, 2020.

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

This scandal has EVERYTHING…

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

Republicans in 2016: “You’re overreacting, Trump won’t be that bad.”
Republicans in 2021: “We should overthrow the Government, democracy has failed, the Constitution didn’t matter, and Trump will protect me from the secret satanic murder cabal that controls the world.”

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

@gates_mcfadden

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

Controversial hot take: After watching Star Trek: The Next Generation for the one millionth time, I’m pretty sure Gates McFadden (@GatesFiles) is the best actor on the show.

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

Bob Ross, Mr. Rogers, Dolly Parton, LeVar Burton, Jim Henson, Betty White, Paul Rudd, Wired Al, Chadwick Boseman, Tom Hanks, Keanu Reeves, Alex Trebek… Who else gets inducted into the Wholesomeness Hall of Fame?

[joe ferro @foejerro]

now when biden wins watch how i dont wear his name on a hat or fly his flag on my lawn for 4 years like a fuckin weirdo

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

For the Republicans who are having trouble pronouncing Kamala’s name, here’s a quick tip: You can avoid embarrassment by simply referring to her as “Madam Vice President.”

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

@tsillipines Can I just take the month off?

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

Have you all heard about the hoards of murderous grizzly bears on the loose? They’ve attacked 9 million people in the U.S. and are killing 1,000 people every single day. They tend to hunt people in groups. Luckily, they are terrified of masks, so cover your face and avoid crowds.

[Ethan Allen Smith @ethanallensmith]

When the Founding Fathers established the 2-per-state Senate representation, the largest state (Virginia) had a population equal to El Paso, Texas. The smallest state (Delaware) had a population equal to Daytona Beach, Florida. The entire country had fewer people than Panama.