Evan Dailey Says

Quotes from the accidentally hilarious Evan

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

Me: Why did you have a pen in your jacket?
Evan: It’s my fountain pen. I always carry it.

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

On Pharrell Williams: “I only know who he is because of his TED talk.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

On white chocolate: “It’s basically dried out suntan lotion.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

I ask if there is anything Evan doesn’t feel guilty for paying someone else to do.
“No....(then thinking). Dentistry.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

“Sharknado and Snakes om a Plane are two movies I refuse to watch just based on what they’re called.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

“I’ve had several pieces of steel pulled out of my eyes.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

“It’s wholly unnecessary to be standing out here in the heat when there is perfectly good air conditioning inside going to waste.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

Regarding mascara being named Better Than Sex - “Well that’s a bunch of bullshit.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

“I don’t feed people meat that is well done.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

On magnesium supplements: “I have some magnesium wheels in the garage you can chew on.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

#ThingsEvanBringsHome

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

“I’d never eat funnel cake when there is an oppportunity to eat barbecue.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

My dad to Evan: “What temperature do you like it to be for sleeping?”

Evan: “45.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

“I don’t believe in purgatory but if I did I think it would be a lot like a school carnival.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

“In West Virginia you could deep fry a turd and people would buy it.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

@benji_taylor Actually I preferred “Man you brought your claws with you tonight.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

On typing on a phone keyboard: “Try having calluses so thick it doesn’t even register you’re touching the keyboard.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

On Gaudi again: “Just look at the big cathedral. It looks like a giant mud dauber’s nest.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

“Gaudi’s buildings look like he took handfuls of goop and piled them on top of each other.”

[Evan Dailey Says @evandsaid]

“I guarantee she’s the oldest hoochie mamma.” - on Mariah Carey