Evan Marlowe

[U.S. Soccer Men's National Team @USMNT]

CP in LA.

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

@diamond__time We now know why the World Cup is played in June

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

Soccer players are hilarious. “Oh no the other player grazed my elbow, let’s scream like a little girl and act like I got shot while rolling around on the floor” #soccer #worldcup #USMNT #crymeariver #rubsomedirtonit

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

@handybjs By the time I’ve finished my arts and crafts on the toilet seat, my pants are soiled with my chicken tacos from lunch

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

I may have to switch up on my day ones. Not because I’ve made it out the hood, but because they just aren’t funny anymore #dayones #switchup #midlifecrisis

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

@PSU_I_Eat @diamond__time There was a little doubt

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

@PSU_I_Eat You’re a curse

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

How do I pay:
$1,600 rent
$250 electricity
$100 water
$280 internet
$140 car insurance
$2500 OnlyFans
EVERY MONTH

on under $19/hr???
#lank #minimumwage #economy

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

@diamond__time Diamond, when nature calls, it’s our duty (pun intended) to answer! Never be ashamed to take care of yourself!
Sincerely,
Evan “Marlowe” Marlowe

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

@bobbymo24 I’ve heard some rumblings about this. @grok can you confirm?

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

I’d like to take a moment to share that I have officially been accepted into a very special, very prestigious group, one which will further my X fame and fortune. #NewProfilePic @PSU_I_Eat @Balls_Tweets @squid_squawks @diamond__time

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

My boy the type of guy to not fall asleep until he gets tucked in #mamasboy #trin

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

My boy the type of guy to crawl into bed with you because he had a bad dream #mamasboy #nightmare #sleepingwiththeboys #trin

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

In an alternate universe I’m a dark haired baddie they call Backdoor Becky #backdoor #backdoorbecky #onlyoneoption

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

@jaystacchouse Never trust a guy named Chris. If Chris crossed apple sauce you’ll never know what he’ll do to you

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

A good friend once told me, “just when you think that vegetables don’t have phones, onion rings” #onion #wow #letthatsinkin

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

@FrqncyVibration 3rd option: go fuck yourself

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

@FrqncyVibration @GiantHotTakes

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

@Balls_Tweets Not proud of it but man enough to say it: I’m extremely jealous

[Evan Marlowe @evanmarlowee]

When people ask me what I’ve learned from my JP Morgan internship