Joseph Tew

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

Self checkout clerk: “Cash or card?”
Me, standing in line for the ONLY machines that take cash while the card-only machines sit empty: 👁️👄👁️

Then a guy behind me points at the open card-only register and says, “Sir, that one is open.”

“Well go use it.”

Self-checkout or Q&A?

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

Ever been to a party and didn’t feel welcome? You feel like you should stay, but the further you get into the evening, the more you know you’re unwanted.
“It’ll get better, just stick it out,” you hope, but it just gets more uncomfortable.

That’s what sleep is like after 50.

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

@JonnieWComedy I’ve never been to a comedy event. Am I suppose to heckle you, or do you have professionals for that?

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

@JonnieWComedy I have my tickets!

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

#NewProfilePic My beautiful mother.

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

@JonnieWComedy I’ve always wanted to do comedy. I’ve never took the risk. When you’re in Dunn, NC - can I open for you? Please say no.

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

Check out "Little Country Church" by David Tew - https://t.co/Vn0YVMNBnZ

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

Wife: Good morning!

Me: Objection! Lack of foundation…calls for hearsay.

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

#objectionhearsay

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

I wouldn’t want the #AmberHeard legal team pro-bono, on a traffic ticket. #Pitiful.

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

Tom Brady is like COVID…he just won’t go away.

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

Some secrets will be carried to the grave…like, murder…or who you voted for in 2020… #america #ElectionResults2022 #gasprices

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

If “life is like a box of chocolates,” North Carolina weather is a box of trail mix. #funny #NorthCarolina #comedy

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

This just in: In an effort to calm tensions…President Biden is sending the Griswold family on an “Eastern European Vacation.” This should be over fast, folks. #politics #funny #comedy #laugh

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

#tew #greattew #surname https://t.co/8Q77zzthgp

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

@SenatorSinema Senstor, you want go be a Republican - come on over. Enjoy the freedom.

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

Just so y’all know - Hardee’s “Impossible meat,” and McDonalds ending country ham - is just the beginning. I want Jordan & Jordan cracklin’s, sausage and HAM MEAT!

Meat prohibition is coming! Get your preserved meats...#hardees #mcdonalds #youdeserveabreaktoday #haveityourway

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

@Ben_Cochran @WRAL Not only was he here illegally, he was a repeat offender.

[Joseph Tew @everymansbarber]

@WhiteHouse @HouseDemocrats @SenateDems