Ewan Kelly

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@VICE one New Year's Eve my mate put £20 in a jukebox and played Everybody Hurts 20 times. The barman had to unplug it to make it stop.

[Ben Goldacre @bengoldacre]

Man. Independence is for centuries, that oil will last decades at best. It's like buying a house based on whether there's milk in the fridge

[David Brent Fans @DavidBrentMovie]

Brent: "You sir, what's your name? Say your name..."
Gareth: "Leeroy"
#TheOffice

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@PeterKelly1956 @LaurenKelly70 "hello, I'm Johnny cash" - funniest open to a platinum album.

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

Pish #RemoveALetterRuinABand

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@porksmith yes, this is too many.

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@CGLinthicum @lukejeffrey11 pleasure! Went really well but not sure the house coped with two nights in a row! How was the rest of the tour?

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@CGLinthicum @lukejeffrey11 hey guys - just saw your latest hearya set, it was awesome! Hope life's treating you well.

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@DavidFoundGlory @boyweasel @Joey7Barton @MDIXON1988 looks like he's got himself a big one... Dicko will follow suit proudly.

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@OptaJoe @premierleague @awesomepon 3 arsenal players in the top 5... A 60% hit rate.

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@louistheroux love the ref to Twin Peaks in the Dangerous Dogs doc. Bob wouldn't have got near Laura Palmer if she had one of those animals.

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@MesutOzil1088 you were exceptional today, awareness to pass for @_OlivierGiroud_ 2nd was outstanding!

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@MDIXON1988 after the woman's semi final I heard "and now we're going over to court one to take a look at the boy's semis"

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@TipsOutForLads @WankersFullKit Kane is definitely Jaap Stam.

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@PeterKelly1956 how are things back home? X

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@MDIXON1988 @boyweasel @DavidFoundGlory Dicko, want to relive our exploits in Dam with a trip to Budapest in June? Crying birds guaranteed..

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@DavidFoundGlory @MDIXON1988 @boyweasel @ewankelly89 Kane is Jaap Stam

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@PeterKelly1956 thanks dad, love you lots x

[Ewan Kelly @ewankelky]

@rainnwilson Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis...