Dan

here mostly to tweet

[Dan @exportdan]

Coworker pronounced “etc” as “Etsy” today. Wild

[Dan @exportdan]

Walking through an older neighborhood and my recurring thought is that while yes some of these old houses are beautiful, 100% of the housing stock here should have been torn down and rebuilt 40 years ago. Stuck.

[Dan @exportdan]

Don’t worry Big Deodorant, I’ve got you covered

[Dan @exportdan]

New deodorant claims product was made without any animal testing so I’ll have to take matters into my own hands and get this stuff into the armpit of a chimp

[Dan @exportdan]

Time to brush my teeth with two congested nostrils - hope I live!

[Dan @exportdan]

Take advantage of the exponentials. All you have to do is become 1% more retarded each day

[Dan @exportdan]

@zackkanter One has to ask, is Sanders evil or retarded? Or possibly both?

[Dan @exportdan]

I fear that Denver is unworthy of Waymos. I’ve seen the way you heathens treat Lime scooters. “Whatsoever you do to the least of my robots, that you do unto me”

[Dan @exportdan]

I bet id sleep so well suspended vertically in a bacta tank. Like are we sure the human is meant to sleep horizontally?

[Dan @exportdan]

My main takeaway after vacationing in Europe for two weeks as an American is that everywhere else is the hood

[Dan @exportdan]

I wish my wrists could rotate 360 degrees so that no matter which position I’m sleeping in I could comfortably grip my wife’s butt

[Dan @exportdan]

It’s not enough to defend beauty - are you prepared to go on the offensive for a more beautiful world?

[Dan @exportdan]

we shape our tools & our tools shape us

we shape our tools & our tools shape us

we shape our tools & our tools shape us

we shape our tools & our tools shape us

[Dan @exportdan]

As long as you have Franks Red Hot lying around you never need to learn how to cook. Just douse that shit in hot sauce and it will Taste Good

[Dan @exportdan]

I wish I could continuously drink coffee throughout the day but sadly my mortal flesh is too weak

[Dan @exportdan]

@compliantvc @elonmusk Found the European

[Dan @exportdan]

I’m sick and I blew my nose too hard and now I’ll never hear again from my left ear

[Dan @exportdan]

The masculine urge to walk into the woods and find a tree to die under when you start to get the tiniest little sniffly runny nose

[Dan @exportdan]

If your kitchen counter has a 90 degree angle corner you need to be repping out as many dips as you can before the microwave timer runs out

[Dan @exportdan]

Meticulously ironing my obi wan kenobi Halloween costume