بالضبط، تسمى هذي الذاكرة الانفعالية أو ذاكرة الجسد. وطالما هذه الذاكرة ما تم اعادة تنظيف محتوياتها وترتيبها راح تشوف ردات الفعل الأوڤر والمبالغ فيها، مثل شخص يغضب ويثور ويحاول ينتقم من آخر لمجرد أنه قال له كلمة لم تعجبه أو عمل حركة حس فيها انتقاص له. تراكمات !
Today I am 50! I remember a time when I thought 30 is quite old , 40 is really really old and 50 is one step away from death . Today I am 50. I knew it was coming . It was so far and yet approaching so slow . It creeps on you bit by bit. And you wake up and you are 50. At the age of 20 you feel you are already tired , exhausted. You can’t imagine going on 30 more years like that. And yet , you do. You are there . You wake up and you are 50. Maybe there is one thing you wish you didn’t leave behind. Youth. Ohhhhh Youth! What a wasted potential on people who still have it . You see? I am already sounding as grumpy man who just turned 50! You want to hold on whatever remains of youth you have . You want to look younger , feel younger , be younger. The fake humility you pretend to show whenever someone tells you “oh but you look great for 50” . Rule of thumb: if people start telling you : “you look good for your age.”
Buddy , you have aged .
Imagine someone tells you :” you look great for 20.” You will punch them in face. Today I am 50. A day that I might have dreaded seeing wrinkles and furrows on my face and people close to you trying to convince you to do “something” for the wrinkles and the grey hair . And they utter the magical words : “so you can look, you know , YOUNGER” . Yes here it is. YOUNGER. Our Kryptonite, our Achilles heel, our Holy Grail , our pain our desires our needs our insecurities our life potion our happiness and our grief … all at once . YOUNGER. Well I am not . I am 50. And I am now more familiar, more friendlier and even more in tune with these wrinkles and cracks and white hair all at once . I have spent more time with them than anybody else. Time has traced all my life in these . Why would I erase that ? Why would i erase …me? For the last five years I planned for my 50th birthday “photoshoot’ Where I would look so good with lights and professional photography so I would hear the praise of not looking my age. But for what? It’s me and I am 50. So here is a simple selfie. No filter no photoshoot no stupid ego trip. Today I am 50. I am alive , I am here and I am very grateful.